Can't Live This Way

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2004
Can't Live This Way
3
Sun, 01-02-2005 - 11:44pm
I just can't live being depressed anymore. It is just one aspect of my life that has me so sad. I'm divorced and have 2 little girls. The problem is they prefer to be with him-the man who was abusive to me for years. They don't want to live with me, and they haven't adjusted going back and forth between houses for the 3 years we have been separated. My 7 year old cries literally for hours wanting to go back to his house after she comes home. She sees him almost every weekend and most holidays. Nothing i do for her is ever good enough. She always prefers him. Seeing her cry and never being able to adjust to the split is worse than the abuse I endured being with him. Being away from the kids most weekends and holidays is killing me. I feel so beat down by him, and now the kids not wanting to live with me. The kids living with him is really not an option since he works alot and the kids would basically be raised by stepmom if they did. I was so physically sick from the stress over this I have actually been thinking of ways to kill myself away get away from the pain in my life. But I know it would be selfish of me and there are good things in my life, it is just this one aspect of my life that is killing me. I've tried everything i can think of over the past few years to make this better. Counseling, letting her see him more, making it fun at my house, but nothing gets better.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
Mon, 01-03-2005 - 1:57am

Hi there and welcome to our board! I hope you will stay and get to know us...and let us get to know you!


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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2004
Mon, 01-03-2005 - 8:10am
I have joint custody with him although it is not by choice. My oldest has always been closer to him. When we fought when we were married, he would always take on the role of "protector." For example, the fights would escalate between us, and he would tell the kids things like "We gotta get away from mommy." He would take them with him out the door and portray me as the bad guy. He was only abusive to me. He tends to spoil the kids, letting them do what they want. There were certain times I have suspected inappropriate behavior by him, my oldest daughter has sexually acted out things that she should have no knowledge of. Counselor tends to think it is more kids at school influencing her. About 6 months ago my littlest told me "they were playing with daddy's pee pee." The counselor talked to them in depth about this, and she told me it was probably just kids curiosity, since they told her daddy was sleeping when they did this and he yelled at them when he woke up. But that whole thing just didn't sound right. The kids have been doing things to each other, she said that also sounds like normal kid play for this age. I wonder though, if anything sexual did happen, they probably would not want to go over there so much. The kids have been through alot. When my oldest does cry, first I try to comfort her, I tell her "it is hard to have to go back and forth." I try to hold her,etc. After about two hours of her continually wanting daddy I tend to get frustrated, and bad things are sometimes said about him out of sheer frustration. I am the one that is always there for the kids. I don't work during the week, I only work on Sat and Sun and most holidays. I want to be home for them as much as possible. I'm really bending over backwards to make them happy at my home too. They wanted a couple of kittens, so i got them. I have their friends over, i take them places, etc. I feel I am a very good mother. Whatever I do though doesn't seem to compare to him and every day during the week all I hear is "I want daddy."
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
Mon, 01-03-2005 - 10:41am

Thanks for filling me in a bit more on things....

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