hanging on by a thread.. WARNING TRIGS
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| Wed, 01-05-2005 - 10:28pm |
If you arent doing well and dont feel safe then exit out of here please, this post has triggers in it and I want everyone to be safe.
Well today I have lost my cool with everyone and yelled at everyone and hurt the people close to me. I am so fed up with my DH and my kids and not getting any help with anything from home schooling to taking care of the kids to house work. I am so burnt out and the thoughts of ending my own life are getting stronger and it is scary to me. Tonight I had a blade in my hand ready to cut but I fought that urge. I have counted pills in my cabinet and I have enough to do myself in.
I dont want to be here anymore I feel so alone and I am alone even tho I have all teh people around me I am missing that one person in my life and since she is gone who do I have other then my kids and my love for my kids really isnt enough anymore. I am going off of all my meds w/o docs order I am so tired of taking meds and them not helping.

Hi Mary,
Lori you have helped me so much that you will always have a place in my heart but I feel as if I am way beyond help right now. You are a very good CL you are caring, you are a very good asset to this board. I know you care and your words touch me deeply most of the time when I read your replies to my post I cry b/c I can feel that you really do care just in your words. You have a gift for being a CL, b/c I normally dont cry let alone by words of someone and your words make me cry b/c I know you do care.
I am going to talk to my T today and tell her what is going on in my mind and maybe she can help me be safe b/c I know I cant right now, nor do I want to be safe but I know that this is only a temporary feeling and if I off myself well as we all know that is something I cant fix.
I think a lot of my frustration with the house and all that is b/c I havent really dealt with my granny's death, and there is nothing I can do to change that she is gone, I miss her and I will always miss her and I dont think the pain will ever go away, but I guess it is a good thing that I am feeling the pain of her death. I know I will have these feelings of suicide again but as you said I have come along way and I am not going to give up, I want people to remember me as a strong person not as one that gives up.
I am going to go off my meds slowly that way I dont have the w/d symptoms as I would if I quit cold turkey.
Thanks Lori for caring and for now I am safe, and I am calling up my T today and talking to her maybe she will work me in today.
Thanks
Mary
Hi Mary,