Cutting again *trigger*

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2004
Cutting again *trigger*
3
Fri, 01-07-2005 - 4:39pm

I had a fight with my boyfriend last night because his ex-girlfriend is accusing me of calling her and hanging up. I don't even know her last name or the town she lives in, though, so I definitely don't have her phone number. He said that he defended me to her, but he's also been pretty sympathetic with her about this whole business, too. She finally called the police, which I'm glad of, because then they can prove I didn't do it.

Anyway, to get to the point, the fight with my boyfriend was awful, and I ended up cutting myself a couple of times on my ankle while we were on the phone. I threatened to break up with him if she ever accuses me of anything again. We finally sort of resolved the fight, but I'm still really angry at his ex-girlfriend, whom I've never even met and don't even know. And I'm also angry at my boyfriend for letting this happen to me, because he should just stop talking to his ex-girlfriend. He doesn't have feelings for her anymore, and she just tries to cause trouble between us.

I'm pretty angry at myself, too, for cutting myself. But it felt so good, and it helped me sleep. I hate cutting myself in some ways, but in other ways I love it. It's really messed up. Should I tell my therapist that I'm actually cutting myself again and not just thinking about it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Fri, 01-07-2005 - 5:26pm

Hi Pinkstar
I am sorry that you and your B/F got into a fight due to the EX-girlfriend. Try not to let her get to ya I know easier said then done, love is just so tricky and most of the time it is hard to understand.

let me tell you a bit about me, I have been in T for about 11 years now and I was and still am a cutter, but now I hardly cut at all, I have the urges all the time but I have found if I keep putting it off then after a while I dont have the urge to cut and I continue to do that for how ever long it takes. and another way I have found that helps me get the pain out and that isnt life threating is plucking the hair off of my legs, but these things help sometimes and others it dont help.

I always tell my T when I cut and I always tell her when I have thoughts of cutting and it our relationship b/c she knows I will not lie to her and she will not lie to me. If I can give you one good piece of info it would have to be be honest with yourself and your T at all times and to whom ever else and if you need someone to give you a bit more attention then you just tell them to notice you, and make them in other ways.

I hope this has helped a bit and may God bless you
Mary

Mary
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2004
Fri, 01-07-2005 - 8:29pm
Thanks for sharing your story with me. I'm sorry that you've had to go through the urges to cut, too, though. I wouldn't wish it on anyone.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2004
Fri, 01-07-2005 - 10:56pm
Hi Pink, sorry you have been upsetted by your boyfriend's ex. He should step in and speak to her and tell her to leave you alone. Sounds like she is just jealous and if you can get through this situation hopefully she'll back off when she realizes she isn't his girlfriend any longer. I did want to say how I understand how the compulsion to want to SI (cut or whatever) surfaces when you are feeling distraught. I too cut (and other things) and it is true but sad how it actually does make you feel better, even if only for that fleeting moment. It is the first thing that comes into my head when I am really upset. Like Black_Ice I too try to 'wait it out' and that can help make the feelings dissipate and I won't do it. This doesn't always work though so I know I have some work to do. Black_Ice says she tells her T everytime she SI's or wants to. I wish I could do that. My T knows I do it,,,but I am not comfortable telling her everytime I do it or think about it as I am afraid of how she will perceive me. For me this is a tough one as I know it is important to be honest with your T if you hope to get the right help you need. I have my next appointment this Monday,,,finally called her. Should I tell her how many times I've done it since I've seen her last? Ummmmm I don't think I should. For me talking with T's is difficult, I so worry what they are thinking of me and what they write down in their little books later.
Oh sorry I went off topic I think,,,,,just did want to say to you Pink I'm sorry you hurt enough to cut,,,hoping maybe next time the urge comes up you'll be able to distract yourself enough until it subsides. Abby