So worried
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So worried
| Tue, 01-11-2005 - 5:58pm |
Hi,,,writing again because I am scared again and as always worried. Went 'finally' to see my T yesterday, had an exhausting and emotional-filled two hours with her. Sessions are usually only one hour but she kept me there longer. Lots was said,,,and lots wasn't said,,,but she did mention the hospital which I quickly said 'no' to. She saw one of the places I SI'd before I could hide it and that didn't help matters. Lori,,,after a lot of tears and thinking I agreed to sign a waiver form she gave me that allows her to talk to the other T I see. I see him tomorrow,,,so I am all freaked out about how that will be. I am terrified I opened a door I cannot shut now,,,and that I will regret this more than I can gather the proper words for to use. She suggested a meeting with them both and me but that was too frightening for me ,,, I would feel like I was out-numbered and just couldn't handle that,,,so she is doing it alone. She made me 'some' promises but said there are some she can't keep because of her job,,,and it is 'those' that I am so afraid about. I know I am not being very clear but I can't and just don't want to go into great detail here. She did ask me indirectly about whether I thought about dying, to which I silently nodded. I am just so so afraid I crossed a line where I can't step back from now. Trust is huge to me,,,trust is hard for me,,,and trust is vital for me to be able to get through my days. I want so to trust her and the other T,,,but this 'job ethics thing' is something I can't trust,,,and it is tearing me up inside. Wish me luck for tomorrow please. Thank you,,,,Abby

Sandra.
Hey Abby....