Bad on the Job

Avatar for travinski
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2004
Bad on the Job
6
Fri, 01-21-2005 - 5:28pm
I have been a teacher for almost 16 years. The last few years I have been off because of stress due to a horrific marriage. I am back full-time for the first time in three years and it seems I suddenly cannot do anything right. Both prinicipals I work for (in 2 schools)are saying bad things about me to the lady that does the hiring for the board. They don't say anything to me - or at least very little - and tell her all kinds of things. I told one principal in an email that I didn't think she liked me and other things and the principal turned around and showed her my emails. I have always had low self esteem and the one thing I knew I was good at was teaching and now it seems I'm bad at that too. I feel like I have been hit by a truck. I am in debt, I have no social life, no friends, depression and now this. I feel sick.

Travi

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
In reply to: travinski
Fri, 01-21-2005 - 11:38pm

Hey there...


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Avatar for travinski
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2004
In reply to: travinski
Sun, 01-23-2005 - 5:34pm
My hands are shaking so bad, I can hardly type this message. I confronted both principals and they both played dumb. One teacher complains that I talk too loud and it carries throughout that floor of the school. The other said, "of course you are going to need further development - just like anybody else who has just come back from a leave. Then he turns around and shows my email to the superintendent(after he said he didn't want to get involved with the conflict between the superintendent and myself EVEN THOUGH HE STARTED IT!!! The superintendent "put me on notice" because I talked about her in an email. My self esteem is so long that meeting with all three of them would do me in.

Travi

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
In reply to: travinski
Sun, 01-23-2005 - 6:59pm
Sorry to hear things went badly with the meeting... I'm wondering once again if a job hunt might be in order?? Reguardless of the fact that it may mean a pay cut? Hugs and prayers to you, Lori
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Avatar for travinski
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2004
In reply to: travinski
Mon, 01-24-2005 - 9:55pm
Lori, I met with the principal first thing this morning and he denied that he said anything. He wants to be loved by all - even if it means telling the superintendent one thing and me another. I said well if you didn't say all those things, why don't you email her and tell her that and he said, "no, because I won't be pressured into doing anything by you." I said, "no, the reason you won't do it is because you KNOW that you DID say it." June will not come fast enough for me.
I don't want to look for another job. I'm 46 and my own board doesn't want me even though I've always got good evaluations in the past. I would just be too nervous starting all over again. I am in so much debt that it literally makes me sick to my stomach. I'm lonely - I just don't even feel God is on my side. The only person who I trust 100% and love completely is my 84 year old mother. I will not survive her passing. She means the world to me. Without her, I would have nobody and i would be a nobody. Although I am extremely close, I don't want to go out and make friends with anyone. I'm just too tired.

Travi

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
In reply to: travinski
Mon, 01-24-2005 - 11:18pm

I can understand your feelings to a point because I've been there myself. Me (or anyone) telling you that you ARE worthwhile and ARE "somebody" in the end won't matter if YOU don't come to believe it. And my fear is that you have given up and won't pursue your chance at happiness! Please don't let that happen!! You are 46 ... I am 43. People our age have and will continue to accomplish great things. At the very least, they--and WE have many good years ahead of us. Yes, depression can destroy that---and in fact has for some people that either haven't sought treatment or haven't responded well to it. But there is no reason that you can't be one of the ones that find your way out of the darkness with the right help and support. I hope you will look for it! Hugs, Lori

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Avatar for travinski
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2004
In reply to: travinski
Tue, 01-25-2005 - 6:54pm
Lori, I have been seeking help since I was 25 years old. I have seen so many different therapists and doctors, have been hospitalized twice, been on a leave of absence and I am still roughly in the same place I was before except the anxiety isn't as bad because I'm medicated. But I am also bipolar which has cost me every friend I have ever had. I married a lunatic who I left after 9 months but he did me in. I have not been the same since. Men are crazy - I don't trust them anymore. I hate going to work every day - I wonder what that stupid principal will pull off next.

Travi