last night i(trigger)
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last night i(trigger)
| Mon, 02-07-2005 - 7:29am |
took most of my sedatives w/ bourbon & all i got was sick...everytime i TRY to make things ok...it blows up in my face...no matter what the professionals tell me(doc)i am not an okay person.i am damage i am garbage i am nothing.i claim responsibility but others did help me get there...i sent messages to 2 people telling them thAT i took the pills now they can have closure...the fact that it didn't work makes me feel like an ass.the fact that neither of those people made any attempt to reach me just hurts.i thought if i were dead i wouldn't know.
strangly no one in my household even knows what i pulled.
i am nothing & i try so hard to be a good girl.
strangly no one in my household even knows what i pulled.
i am nothing & i try so hard to be a good girl.

Hi Anon...
i am pathetic.that's what i'm told.my suicide attempts make people amused as if i'm putting on a big show for their entertainment.
i unplugged the answering machine & curled up in a ball today.no one cared how i am.no one.
we can't help the way we FEEL,can we?
the thought of waiting till tomorrow to speak with him is overwhelming so i left a message for him to call today when he gets in...then i called my therapist & left a message w/ her confessing all & asking if it was dumb to call him b/f tomorrow.
what i'm afraid of is them all turning me away.
i actually had a dr. who after the 1st appt told me i was too sick for her(a psychiatrist)& that i should find a clinic.
so i'm scared to tell the truth.
i think i understand why people end up on the streets....sometimes they feel its what they deserve.there's no one else i can ask for help.
i'm scared & i don't want to lose the help i have.
Kat
i have a husband i never loved.everyone thinks he is a saint but what he is is a control freAK.i'm not permitted to have my own car keys at 43 i'm told i'll buy my birthday present & say its from you....it's not just that.he says no one will ever love me but him.i want to sleep just sleep but all this sleeping proves i'm an unfit mother.MY mother is no help tho she has been in my shoes.no one wants to know me anymore cept my husband who would prefer to keep me functionally ill.
dr. just called...i told him...he's gonna change my meds...he promised not to send me away.i'll see him tomorrow.
why does nobody love me?i'd go out of my way for anyone..except maybe my h...that's why i'm being punished.
i too have suffered since 12.
at 12 &even at 20 there's a thread of hope...at 43 it seems as tho i've done all i can.i want to sleep.
Hi Kat and welcome to the board--although as with everyone, I wish it were under better circumstances! I hope you will decide to stick around and get to know us better and also let us get to know you!
Thanks for listining
Kat