trying to appear NORMAL while falling

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2003
trying to appear NORMAL while falling
3
Mon, 02-07-2005 - 5:33pm
apart....in an effort to emancipate myself & as a mother of 3 little ones....i'm attempting to start an at home business..a legacy a friend had to give up...i also sell makeup & do makeovers but that doesn't generate anything...so i'm trying to have normal business conversations with ad-men parents & clergymen while i'm all broken inside.it's no wonder i'm exhausted.i'm angry with myself for choosing now to fall to pieces.i usually go manic when i come across a diversion...not this time.just gut wrenching depression.anyone else having to play both sides of the coin?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
Mon, 02-07-2005 - 7:04pm

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2005
Mon, 02-07-2005 - 11:35pm
Hi anon. I agree it is truly exhausting trying to look "together" while feeling the total opposite. I feel that Im so used to it now that I just can seem naturally "cool" about 90% of the time because it has become part of me to TRY to keep it looking together. Boy its tough but I never let go of that dream to finally feel together for real. I hope that your new business plan works out well, take care HUGS
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2004
Tue, 02-08-2005 - 8:51am
Hello anon,,,I'm glad you found this great place,,,it offers support and most importantly for me anyway helps me not to feel so alone with some of the 'crazy' thoughts that roam through my head at times.
Your analogy about 'playing both sides of the coin' made me think it is more like I am playing all sides of a hexagon. I truly understand about having to change your persona to appear a certain (acceptable) way to different people and situations. I think actually everyone has to do that in someway or another, the difference with us is that we are just trying to come across as 'okay' despite the exhaustion of having to perform that theatrical duty.
I had a home-business for a couple of years,,,trying to make some extra money while home with my children when they were younger. I stumbled along for awhile but in the end was kind of swallowed up by bigger establishments and just did it a little from the side-lines in the end. Yes it is tough talking to the 'big guys' that will determine if they want to do business with you or not, and sometimes it doesn't always fall where we would like. On the other hand. and I know it isn't something one cares about at the time when you are starting out,,,I did learn a lot from my experiences,,,the good and the 'other side of that coin.'
I wish you much success with your budding business. The fact that a friend had this business before you can be a huge benefit for you as she has maybe already travelled a lot of the roads before and could save you a lot of work and and wasted time. I hope she will help you with suggestions.
Anyway sorry for the length of this,,,just wanted to acknowledge your post and to let you know we understand how you are feeling. Yes it is exhausting,,,but give yourself some benefit for making it through a conversation with someone,,,and I bet a lot of the high-ranking business people are often 'falling to pieces' on the inside too.
Take care please,,,,,Abby