Today is a low day
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Today is a low day
| Tue, 02-08-2005 - 12:03pm |
Hello all. Just stopping in to chat and let things out. This sucks but Ive got an exam today, and a book review tomorrow plus a quiz. Next week is reading week and I get the week off work thank goodness. Next Friday I move, and the day after that is my sister's baby shower. Im nervous to see my very judgemental, non-friendly family. Im especially nervous because Im feeling super blue these days and its hard to hide it. Im in a weird rut, one of those ruts where I just want to sleep but cant. I dont want to eat much, I dont want to go outside, or talk to people, I dont know what to do with myself but there is nothing that I want to do in particular. I feel restless yet afraid to get out there. I have these ruts every so often. Am I going to be this way for the rest of my life? Im scared when this happens. The funny thing is that I feel really lonely and want company but if I had the opportunity I wouldnt take it because I dont want someone to see me the way I am (in pajama's, tired, sad, etc), and Im also really shy/nervous to have social contact. These days its weird going outside having so much contact with ppl (at work and school) and then coming home feeling so lonely. I have a great fiance but he is long distance and I miss him. We talk on the phone for hours every night but I need to learn to be happy on my own, I just dont know how. I like my privacy and my own company at times, but sometimes I just need something but I dont know what. Please give me any advice you can, especially on the first half of my post? Thank you so much.

It sounds like you have a lot going on soon.
Hi Nicole and thank you very much. Well my fiance & I talk for at least 1 or more hours each night and sometimes email :) Needless to say, my phone bill is pretty high ;)
I agree about the volunteer work. I volunteered at an animal shelter in the summer which was awesome, because I walked dogs who didnt have homes, and washed the cages for the cats. I just honestly have zero time, like, not even 3 hours to spare! I know it sounds silly but I dont watch tv, or treat myself to anything because thats how bogged down I am.
I ended up going to the doctor and getting a doctor's note & missed the exam, because I was feeling very ill (all side effects from stress & depression). I might start getting massages because the stress causes so much strain on my whole body, but it costs a lot of $. I need it though. I want to get better, I want my life to get better..but I feel so hopeless.
On a different topic Nicole, I hope you are coping with your friend's suicide ok. I can only imagine what it must be like for you but I know its hard. Sending HUGS.
I understand how busy you are. That's exactly how I feel right now. What are you taking in school?
Have you talked to your dr. about your feelings? Do you see a tdoc? You may need to to get better.
I wish I could get a massage. I had them after a car accident and insurance paid for them but I was too hurt for them to be that great lol. Now I really wish I could get one. You know they should make that a part of the treatment for anxiety, depression etc and make insurance co.'s pay for it for that too. But if that were the case (we all know how easy it is to get coverage for MI) I wouldn't be able to get coverage in the first place because then this would be an existing condition.
Ah well, sorry to go off like that. And you don't even know me. I'm new here but started going back through the posts as of course I can't sleep.
Amanda
I am coping as well as can be expected, as are most of us who knew Eric, but I am hoping that perhaps my new awareness of how easy it is to lose someone like this will help someone else.
Thanks Amanda and Nicole. Its nice to feel cared for, because its hard to find ppl who care so much in this world! Of course my fiance cares about me deeply, but I would like to be more positive so Im trying not to vent it all out on him!
Welcome Amanda, Im new here too..in a way. I came here a long time ago a couple of times. I realized that in my personal experience its best for me to be here only when its really necessary or else Ill get stuck in that frame of mind, does that make sense? But while Im here I want to help others as much as I can. I hope this place will be a positive support for you, there seem to be such great ppl here :) It gives me hope in the toughest of times.
Nicole I will email you. Thank you for the invitation. Im glad that you are coping with your loss as well as you possibly can. I think that anger is a natural stage for someone to go through after a loss like this, and I hope your healing will let the anger go so that you can move on. Sorry I know this just happened, and I know it takes time to heal, but I just want to help comfort another in need @-}----
Take care everyone until next time