i've apologized to everyone(poss. trigge

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2003
i've apologized to everyone(poss. trigge
8
Wed, 02-09-2005 - 7:28am
the best i can...no responses...is this what people do when they are determined to give up completely?apologize left & right...maybe for simply having to have tripped into their lives?
naps help.lots of naps...as i'm falling asleep i'm convinced when i wake i will quietly do myself in.
when i wake up the idea is more remote.
i'm sorry if i upset anyone.wow...this is really hard.the smallest task are monumental...WHY?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
Wed, 02-09-2005 - 8:36am
PLEASE GO TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM if you are feeling in danger of harming yourself!! We care here but unfortunately are limited by not only the TOS but the boundaries of cyberspace. Let us know how you are doing when you wake up, okay? Hugs, Lori
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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2004
Wed, 02-09-2005 - 10:22am

Please PLEASE go get help.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2003
Wed, 02-09-2005 - 11:21am
i've been to my doc & i've been to my therapist.hospital is NOT an option..i would lo0se my kids 4ever & h woul hit the roof & use it against me...you know they say that only cowards kill themselves?i think that you've got to be very brave to.
thanks all...i know i'm a pain w/ my constant whining.i think i'm smart but apparently i'm the only one who thinks so.did you ever feel as tho you were talking in an unfamiliar language & YOU knew what you were saying but no one else did?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-09-2004
Wed, 02-09-2005 - 1:17pm
I know right where your comming from. people who don't have these feelings. I get comments like smile it will make you feel better, or count your blessings, yes I have a home a daughter I'm so proud of food to eat and a car to drive when I know ther are so many others who are living in the streets eating out of garbage cans and i know I should be ashamed of my self but you can't help how you feel.I can't go to a hospital, I could loose my job if it were known what I was admitted for then I would have no chose but to end it I would be at the bottom with no way up. I work out at the Y 3 hours a night, I know it's to much but I have to work off some stress and take my mind off of this laying down and taking every thing I have ( and beleive I have alot would'nt take any thing to end it) then it's home to cry.
My thoughts are with you, and I hurt right along with you,
Kat
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2004
Wed, 02-09-2005 - 1:52pm

Hello anon,,,I am glad you were able to get to see your doctor and therapist,,,just doing that when one is feeling so bad is a difficult task. I can tell you that I am a terrible coward when it comes to calling my T when I need to. Right now I need her but am still procrastinating about it. So please give yourself some credit for going okay please.

I relate with you about worrying about losing your kids,,,or having something happen that will turn everything into someone else's hands thus making things even harder. It is good though, even though you may not see it that way right now, that you are thinking about your kids enough to fear having them taken from you. I really do honestly know what that can feel like. That is what keeps me fighting,,,for them. The hospital was suggested to me at my last T visit and I got so scared and said no. I guess that is a subject of much debate whether one is a coward if they kill or try to kill themselves. I just don't know if the word 'bravery' can be accurately used for this though,,,but I understand where you are coming from in regarding it.

Also anon you are not a pain,,,and I think you are smart too. I think sometimes I feel like what you are writing about, knowing what I am saying but others don't understand. That happens to me when my thoughts are racing faster than I can arrange them to come out of my mouth properly. Maybe that isn't what you mean,,,I'm sorry.

Please be safe,,,,,Abby

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2005
Wed, 02-09-2005 - 6:36pm
Anon please keep updating us on how you are doing. **HUGS** I have been in that place, and it usually needs some time before we feel hope again. There is hope for you, please live. I realized..ok Im here on this earth, I dont know why. I just figure, either I live or die..so I will choose to live and do the best I can here, its like a fun experiment..life. Ok so its not so fun, but when I think of life in simple terms like that I do feel a lot better & then have a little fun with it. I think...how much can I do to help others? How much can I improve myself? Of course the old feelings come back, especially during tough times. But then I think this way and it gives me a reason to live, to be the best I can be. I hope this helps, I hope it didnt cause any trigs for you. Take care and I want to hear from you soon!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Thu, 02-10-2005 - 9:05am

hi there I dont usually post replys to anyone but your post touched me. you say that hospital is not an option b/c you will lose your children, well if you do commit suicide then you will lose your children forever and they will be haunted by that for the rest of their lives.
I am sorry but I dont agree with you about people who kill themselves are brave I think they are very selfish and they are a coward.

I am sorry if this upsets anyone and this isnt what I am trying to do.
I have 4 children myself and I have suffered from depression most of my life and I have even attempted many times to end my life but Thank God I didnt I am real lucky to be alive, I do believe in gardian angels. Dont get me wrong I still have thoughts of ending my life but the way I see it is that is a permanent solution to a temporary feeling, and I just cant do that to my children. I believe that God gave me 4 children to save me from a life of hell.
So what I am saying is where you are at now will pass and you will begin to see the light and you wont feel so alone. It does and will get better as long as you keep trying to better yourself and your life

hugs to you
Mary

Mary
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
Thu, 02-10-2005 - 1:03pm

Like Mary, I don't wish to cause any oppositional feelings on this board but we are ALL entitled to our opinions as long as they are stated respectfully and I have to say, despite having been in that depressed suicidal place myself many times, I have to agree with Mary on this one! To avoid hospitalization/therapy etc for fear of losing a home, job or kids is an understandable FEAR and FEELING but to be that close to suicide is scary too!! What if you do it? Who loses then? Hugs and prayers, Lori

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