things are crappy...thanks for noticring
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things are crappy...thanks for noticring
| Thu, 02-17-2005 - 10:56pm |
trigs......
okay i'm sarcastic and depressed, and i'm sorry for this but i need to vent.
I had a manic rage followed by homicidal turned suicidal thoughts and really could have used some support this week.
I guess I shouldn't expect any better
so alone
a failure
stupid
useless
hopeless
sigh.


Hi there...
Sorry you are feeling so alone?? I had been checking the board and hadn't seen anything from you in a while. I have also not been able to check quite as much due to my job, so I apologize if I missed something.
First let me say I'm SOOOO sorry. I was angry at the world and really shouldn't have taken it out on you all. I guess that's the same way the rage worked...it was over something so insignificant but got directed there, many would say probably because I don't want to deal with the real issue(s). I don't really know what those are exactly. The homicidal thoughts (and let me clarify, I would NEVER hurt someone else) came from the battle that ensued with my coworker in my rage. I was mad at her and then suddenly found myself thinking...what if...poison in her sub...and then I got mad at myself for thinking such things and turned that on myself and is one of the reasons contributing to my suicidal thoughts that night.
Again I am sorry for the sarcasm and anger in my last post. I know I don't deal appropriately all the time. Also, I thought I had posted about everything. No wonder I don't trust myself. I also felt invisible in the 3D world, like someone should have seen what was going on. I shouldn't expect you (and the world) to be mind readers. (hmmm typical borderline behaviour...grr)
Sorry.
Amanda
ps my brief update is linked in the update post
Hi Amanda,
No Problem Amanda. We all have bad days and we all say things in anger or pain that we don't really mean but it makes sense at the time. I am going to read your update but I hope today has been better for you!!
:)