things are crappy...thanks for noticring

Avatar for schitz
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2004
things are crappy...thanks for noticring
5
Thu, 02-17-2005 - 10:56pm

trigs......

okay i'm sarcastic and depressed, and i'm sorry for this but i need to vent.

I had a manic rage followed by homicidal turned suicidal thoughts and really could have used some support this week.

I guess I shouldn't expect any better

so alone

a failure

stupid

useless

hopeless

sigh.

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Registered: 02-12-2004
Fri, 02-18-2005 - 9:48am

Hi there...


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Registered: 10-04-2004
Fri, 02-18-2005 - 10:57am

Sorry you are feeling so alone?? I had been checking the board and hadn't seen anything from you in a while. I have also not been able to check quite as much due to my job, so I apologize if I missed something.

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Avatar for schitz
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2004
Fri, 02-18-2005 - 1:34pm

First let me say I'm SOOOO sorry. I was angry at the world and really shouldn't have taken it out on you all. I guess that's the same way the rage worked...it was over something so insignificant but got directed there, many would say probably because I don't want to deal with the real issue(s). I don't really know what those are exactly. The homicidal thoughts (and let me clarify, I would NEVER hurt someone else) came from the battle that ensued with my coworker in my rage. I was mad at her and then suddenly found myself thinking...what if...poison in her sub...and then I got mad at myself for thinking such things and turned that on myself and is one of the reasons contributing to my suicidal thoughts that night.

Again I am sorry for the sarcasm and anger in my last post. I know I don't deal appropriately all the time. Also, I thought I had posted about everything. No wonder I don't trust myself. I also felt invisible in the 3D world, like someone should have seen what was going on. I shouldn't expect you (and the world) to be mind readers. (hmmm typical borderline behaviour...grr)

Sorry.

Amanda

ps my brief update is linked in the update post

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Registered: 04-13-2002
Fri, 02-18-2005 - 2:40pm

Hi Amanda,


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2004
Fri, 02-18-2005 - 4:15pm

No Problem Amanda. We all have bad days and we all say things in anger or pain that we don't really mean but it makes sense at the time. I am going to read your update but I hope today has been better for you!!


:)



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