sad/guilty
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sad/guilty
| Sat, 02-19-2005 - 6:30pm |
The devestating destroying agonizing guilt feeling knowing I am partly to blame for someone else feeling bad enough to contemplate suicide is for me, a far worse feeling than when I am contemplating it for myself, if anything it just makes me feel I have all the more reasons and justifications. Somedays are okay,,,never truly happy,,,and then somedays you have to count each breath it takes to just get through it. My T wants me to go, she thinks I will be better if I go but I am too afraid. I am such a failure, such a coward. I put on a great front I think, and I just wonder how many people would never want to talk to me again if they knew what lies under that polished protective acrylic casing. Why is it that some people just seem to casually breeze through life while others fight the brambles and thorny vines just to appear 'normal' to those around them? I'm just so tired of the thorns you know?

Hey there...
*hugs*
I'm sorry to hear you are struggling. I bet a lot more people out there are struggling behind the mask like you. Your t wants you to go (to the hospital?). I think it is probably a good idea. You need to take care of you and if that's what it takes that's what it takes. You have every right to live and every right to feel the way you do. More importantly you have the right to feel better. Let t help. You can get through this.
Love and strength
Amanda