I live to dream
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| Tue, 02-22-2005 - 12:35pm |
Do you ever just wish you could not wake up & live in your dreams forever? I look forward to going to sleep & I hope & pray to dream...to go to that life that I want so bad. I live only to dream. I hate my 'real' life - it's such a terrible disappointment, but I am much too chicken to kill myself, even though the thought crosses my mind at least once a day...walk by a window, why don't I just open it & jump?
I know I am suffering from depression but I will not go seek help. I have been on antidepressants in the past & I like life when on them, but I just can't ask for help this time. We have no health benefits so I know we can not afford the Dr bills or the meds. And yes I am too lazy to try to get help from the city.
I just don't really enjoy anything anymore. What is the point to living? I have no one I can turn to. I have a husband who is basically oblivious to everything around him unless it is about him. I have a baby who deserves a better mother - a happy mother.
I don't like my family at all, they have never been there for me.
My friends have basically disappeared & moved on with their lives.
I am tired of being the nice good girl - I never did anything wrong & was always there for everyone, but when I need someone there is no one there. I am so empty, it's getting hard to even feel emotions anymore...it's awful to know that you should 'feel' but you can't. I want to just walk out the door & never return.
So I mange to get through one more day & can't wait to close my eyes & dream....

Hi and welcome to the board! I think you will find it is a safe place to "vent" and that the people here are quite supportive and caring!