Just Me Again --- maybe some trigs

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2004
Just Me Again --- maybe some trigs
2
Thu, 03-10-2005 - 6:07pm

I feel badly and guilty writing here when others are in such distress like Anon and Black Ice,,,,I feel badly for you Lori when we come here feeling so low and desperate for support and you feel you need to respond to us. You are such an incredibly giving person and the words you chose, and then put together can form such a cushion of comfort and encouragement. I often wonder how you manage, and why you do this,,,reading the sadly-sodden words of those of us who are fighting back the shadows that keep pressing against us time and time again. Thank you so very much,,,really,,,,thank you for being here and listening and caring and offering and sharing your thoughts with us as you do,,,it may
be only 'cyber' but it is still a big 'something.'

Now after saying all that I will proceed to 'dump' some of my 'stuff' on you,,,,,oh poor Lori. Again I can't go into details,,,but some medical files are being transferred to a new doctor and I am more than terrified with having to now deal with how this doctor will perceive and relate to us after reading them. They are not my files,,,but there is a lot of things in them about 'us',,,,me included. I know now I need to see my T again because I am fighting turning into a blubbering mess here again and of course reaching out for my stability soother,,,,SI'ing. The loss of control terrifies me!!! The secrets weigh me down like a ball and chain. I am often so incredibly unhappy that I tell myself that my children will manage,,,lots of kids lose a parent and still grow up and live good lives. I think about how many people may bother to come to my funeral, I look at my co-workers and wonder what they would do if it was announced one morning I was gone. All the time I am thinking about it.
I search for happiness, I try to find it, but it is too good at playing hide and seek with me. Someday I truly think I will do it,,,it may be years from now,,,but I somehow take a strange comfort in knowing that 'that someday' will come for me.

I'm sorry for this blurry and dusty post,,,,Abby

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
Fri, 03-11-2005 - 12:42pm

Hi Abby,


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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2003
Sun, 03-13-2005 - 3:49pm
your distress is very important & you are very valuable.also YOUR problems are REAL.
lori gives excellent advice...i cannot even add to it as she says it all.please give yourself a break..you are worth it.