very unhappy ..........pos trigs

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
very unhappy ..........pos trigs
3
Fri, 03-18-2005 - 2:39pm

my life is spirling out of control anymore one minute I am not so depressed then the next I am so suicidal I am afraid. And now I just got a flippin bill for when I had surgery and it is pose to be covered by insurance adn yet I still get the bill I have called many many times and they say it is taken care of and it isnt. My T called me today and being the dumby that I am I put on a happy face and I told her that I was putting on a happy face and that I was starting to get scared b/c I have my 3 boys here and my adopted granchild here and I so want to just take the botle of pills.
Y does life have to be so hard. I am w/drawing from people and things that I once enjoyed and all I want to do is curl up in a ball and be left alone. I really hate my life and I wish I could be the person I want to be but that is impossible b/c I have tried and I cant be that person. I have so much stress and pain right now I dont know where to begin, I want to die but I amafraid of what will happen to my kids. Y did I have to have kids Y it would be so much easier if I didnt have any of them.

Mary

Mary
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2003
Fri, 03-18-2005 - 2:59pm
DID you tell your therapist that you put on a happy face BUT you're feeling desperate.?that's what it sounded like OR did you put on a happy face FOR her?
i'm hoping it's the first.
what did she say?????????
i think you may need to go to the hospital.
take it from someone who thought she didn't have the option.nor did anyone else think i had the option.
i was spiraling just like you & finally someone noticed.
the world didn't stop while i was in the hospital.
ok...they kept forgetting to give my youngest a snack in her schoolbag.
& my toxic mother terrorized my kids the whole time & then reminded me why i hate her.
BUT i finally saw her with a clear unclouded mind & discovered it's HER problem.
AND it made my kids appreciate me all the more.
they love ME & I'M doing a GOOD job.
so there mom!
anyway...i think you need it.if you really want to kill yourself...& i DON'T WANT YOU TO DO THAT....then its time to take some serious action & go someplace safe.
so what did your therapist say?
Avatar for markshay
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2003
Sat, 03-19-2005 - 2:13pm
I can SO relate, especially to the why did I have kids part and thinking how much easier it would be to just die if they weren't here. They do keep me alive and I do love them with every fiber of my being! I wish I knew an answer that would help you as well as myself. When I decided to have kids, I wondered if I would be any better but took the chance that I could handle it anyways and some days I just totally stink (for lack of a better word). I am sorry that you are feeling like this as I know how horrible it feels! Just try to take care of yourself and give yourself a chance to have some of the funner moments in life.
Sandra.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
Sun, 03-20-2005 - 8:13am

Hi Mary,


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