T Sessions

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2004
T Sessions
4
Fri, 04-01-2005 - 4:45pm
Made myself go to see my T this week,,,,she said she was going to call me because I had not kept in touch with her. I just have a tendency to put off things that cause me to be more upset and worried and therapy sessions just happen to be on that list. I guess I'm not doing very well as she suggested I come twice a week now. Just thinking that makes me feel even more of a loser. She is really such a caring person to me, makes me uncomfortable why she cares as she does though. She also started me on tracking my moods and activities and putting them on a scale. I have these pages I fill out each day. I sit there so quietly and calmly in her office and yet all I want to do is scream until my lungs blow-up inside of me. I am just SO desperately tired of feeling this way and I don't know how to feel better, I don't know what to do to get better and the years just keep slipping by me. I function yes,,,,but inside I am a mess and sometimes it literally amazes me how I make it through some days. The point of this post,,,,I guess there isn't one. Maybe I could ask if it was suggested to others to go back to therapy more often even after seeing your T for sometime and the sessions were starting to get spaced further apart. People at work have been questioning my 'injuries',,,guess I'm not even caring about that anymore either. For me,,,,when I see nothing at the end of the tunnel it just makes me want to run off the road.
Again sorry,,,,,Abby
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
Fri, 04-01-2005 - 9:01pm

Hi Abby,


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Avatar for schitz
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2004
Sat, 04-02-2005 - 1:02am

(((Abby)))

You are not a loser for having to go to therapy more (or at all). Most of the human race will need to do it in their life (and many more should that don't). I say you are a winner for taking that step.

You need to be totally honest with your tdoc. Always remember that (this from the person who hasn't told her pdoc that she has been self medicating...but i digress). I know the feeling of wanting to scream but appearing so calm to the outside observer. Although I did actually scream once. I was in a women's self esteem group and we were outside on our break and I warned everyone and then screamed at the top of my lungs. If that is not an option you need to find some other way to release that "scream".

I also feel so self conscious about being in therapy or going to my doc or counsellor or whoever. I feel that no one believes me. No one really knows what is going on inside of me so they must think there is nothing wrong with me.

I never really had the chance to go to therapy less and then more again, I ALWAYS got tossed around before that could happen. That really sucks. If I have to tell my story to one more new person I am going to freak out.

So I guess I don't really have any good advice but just know you are not a loser for seeing your tdoc. You are strong for wanting to get well.

Amanda

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2004
Sat, 04-02-2005 - 7:38am
Hi,,,,just wanted to say 'thank you' to you Lori and Amanda for your kind words. They made my heart feel a little lighter just knowing some people understand. I suppose there isn't really any 'time schedule' for those in therapy then is there Lori? It can just change with how we are doing. Your term about being functional but falling apart inside is so true. I sadly think there are so many people who also walk around with smiles on their faces while tears fall on the inside.

I sometimes thought too Amanda,,,,that it takes more courage to go and see these T's and spill your guts out to them instead of never taking that step or chance for some help.
Still hard though, and I SO understand about not wanting to tell your story over again to another one. I'm already seeing two of them, and it has been suggested about another one, but hey enough is enough and I keep saying no. Thanks again and thank you for this board Lori.
Abby
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
Sun, 04-03-2005 - 4:45pm

Hi Abby,


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