The latest crisis...
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| Tue, 04-05-2005 - 7:02pm |
Must we live from one crisis to the next?
I'm going blind, or so it seems. I had thought it was just that I needed to get my eyes tested really bad (it's been 6 years) and that they were just going with age (lol I'm 24 although I have had eye problems all my life...surgery as a baby and everything). It had never occured to me (and I still don't know what did make me consider it) that it might be my meds. I know why I *didn't* consider it, because I hadn't had side effects from the med really. Then I realized that I had recently increased, and quickly. And it turns out photosensitivity and spots in front of the eyes (although I didn't see blurry vision) are possible side effects of Epival).
I have been at 6 pills epival a day (1500mg?) for a week. Unfortunately, I increased faster than I should half and look where it got me. Now I am decreasing, and of course that has to happen slower than the increase (surprising to me). But hopefully within the week I will be back to 4 (3 days each at 5 and 4) and then we'll see if I have to go back to where I was, at three. I doubt that. I'm pretty sure I can increase, just need to do it slow. I think I was starting to get stable mood wise and then the SEs have to go and f it up.
So I was freaking out yesterday. I still hadn't received a call from the psychologist saying that she had booked an appointment with the psychiatrist, which was supposed to be tomorrow, otherwise it wouldn't be until the 20-something-th. I couldn't wait that long as my family doc is not doing my meds now and I will run out before the end of the month.
So, I sent an email to the psych last night asking if she had booked the appt and telling her what was going on. This is not something I normally do, but something had to be done NOW!
Then I spent most of the night in the dark writing my essays. Brightness on the computer turned down and no direct lighting and the light that was on was very soft. I was tempted to wear sunglasses. Still the squinting to make out anything...grrr...this was making me batty. I hate feeling like I'm going blind.
I did have a good meeting with Christine last week though.
Another plus, I got one essay done last night, and one done during the day today. Within a half hour I handed in 2 essays and did a test (and got 80). Phew! My msn yesterday was 3 essays 1 day...more than a little freaking. ...Now it's only one more essay. Then of course I have to worry about exams, but still assignments will be done.
This will be the first year that I don't fail anything. I better not or I will end up in the hospital completely crazy or suicidal. I know this seems trivial, but I am graduating this year, finally, and if that doesn't happen (and i've gotten the invitation, pictures etc) I think I will completely lose it. I got my grad composite today too.
Oh, and I did get an email back from the tdoc and did get an appointment with the pdoc for tomorrow (1 of 2 spaces left until MAY!) and see the tdoc on thursday. Phew, again.
Amanda


Hi Amanda,
Thanks Lori.
I have posted about the med issue in my latest post.
As for graduation, I remember my highschool one well and really hope this turns out a lot better. I literally did not stop crying the whole time. Just everything that I could possibly get depressed about I did. I felt that I had wasted my time there. I was mad for the grades and not getting involved in more clubs and meeting people and making friends...the only ones I seemed to make were the guidance counsellor, chaplain and public health nurse lol (not out of my own free will either). On top of all that, my dad did not want to be there so I was pretty upset about that. He figures that's what I'm "supposed" to do. (turns out that two years later when my twin brother left highschool, he still never graduated).
How are you? What's new and exciting?
Love,
Amanda