New and Falling Apart

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2005
New and Falling Apart
4
Wed, 04-06-2005 - 1:34pm

Hello. My name is Stephanie. I am 23 and have Bipolar, anxiety, and OCD. My intial diagnosis came in 1999. In early 2004 I began treatment with a doc (after no treatment for 2 years) who put me on zoloft and klonopin. In June I had gastric bypass and proceeded to lose 80 lbs in 5 months...during which he doubled my meds and added ativan to the mix. In November I lost my job because my boss accused me of stealing checks. I cant say I did or didn't because I can't remember August to Thanksgiving. My attorney told me to plea to a bargain agreement, so I did. I ended up hospitalized the week following my job loss (where the doc doped me up a little more and told me that there was nothing wrong with me - if there is nothing wrong with me why was he increasing my meds?????). I have never done anything like this in my life. Now I can't get a job because of the criminal record (its a felony conviction), I go next week for sentencing (supposed to be getting probation), been determined as disabled by my mental illnesses by the State Rehabilitation board, and go in 2 weeks to start being treated through the community mental health center. I am on the low end of the flux and have been almost constantly since this happened. Today, I am almost suicidal...Im having to file bankruptcy because I'm losing my car...can't make the payments anymore. I can't function anymore. All I want to do is cry. My fiance tries to help, but he doesnt understand the illness, so he isn't very beneficial...I still give him points for trying...I just don't know what to do anymore. I am at my wits end...I went from doing great and being able to handle all of my business to being absolutely broke and losing everything. I need help...please. Im playing their waiting game and jumping through their hoops, but Im not sure at this point that I have enough time to jump through their hoops.

Thanks,
Stephanie

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
Wed, 04-06-2005 - 11:25pm

Hi Stephanie and welcome to the board! I think you will find us a supportive bunch and I hope you'll stay and let us all get to know each other a bit better!


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2005
Thu, 04-07-2005 - 12:03am

Thank you for the positive words. I was under treatment at the time, but it was poorly managed. I was given the wrong medicines in way too high dosages. I'm getting back into treatment now slowly but surely. When I get through probation I am going to go through an expungement process that will clear my record, but that is a few years down the road. The bankruptcy will alleviate medical bills, and things that have gotten way behind since I have been unable to work. My fiance, unfortunately, can't cover all of both of our expenses, though he has done what he can. If it is nutrition or a car payment, I'd rather have nutrition (vitamins and such required since surgery). Without the high debt on my part, I will be able to afford to go back to school full-time and get my nursing degree. If I go 2 years I can start working in my field and work on my bachelor's part time. My fiance is hoping to finish his first year of his masters while I get my associates. He can't work the second year so we are hoping to have my associates by the time he finishes his first year (will take 2 years part time) so he can quit work and finish his second year. We'll relocate then (which will help with my situation, too) and I'll go back to full-time at school b/c his career field will pay enough - even entry level - for us to live on one income while I finish my bachelors and masters. Its a plan....for now anyway. I work very hard to structure a future full of step by step goals....thats all that keeps me going on mornings like I had this morning (got another call on a job that wouldnt hire me b/c of the conviction). Day by day, right?? Thanks so much for the support. It is greatly appreciated.

Stephanie

Avatar for schitz
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2004
Thu, 04-07-2005 - 1:46am

Hi Stephanie.

Welcome.

I'm sorry you are having a down time and a really rough ride. I'm praying for you. I am also bipolar among other things (about8) (my doc says OCD is also one of them, but pdoc hasn't said that) I don't think I've seen you on the bipolar board (if I've missed you I"m sorry). That is my home on ivillage. You should come on by!

Amanda

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
Thu, 04-07-2005 - 12:05pm

Hi Stephanie,


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