a short up date on me " TRIGS "

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
a short up date on me " TRIGS "
4
Wed, 04-06-2005 - 3:35pm

well I am still the same if not worse, I have avoided people and I havent even tried to put on a happy face for a while now. Had my T appt today and it didnt go well at all I left there feeling like total garbage about myself and my life and I am tired of living with all this crap in my life with my ED and my MPD and my depression I cant cope anymore I hate being this sad my kids will be lost w/o me and it hurts me to even think this way but I have to do something.
I once said that you cant help a F***up and that is wat I am. I have a plan and a date and I have everything else, I have to type out my wishes for my funeral I am scared to do it but I feel as if it is the only way I can deal with the pain, yes I am selfish and a horrible mother and person but I cant go on any more. I have been hoarding pills so I have enough now but I am going to go to the doc and get some pain pills so finish my collection off.

THANKS
ME




Edited 4/6/2005 5:56 pm ET ET by black_ice22
Mary
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
Wed, 04-06-2005 - 11:13pm

Hi Mary,


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Avatar for schitz
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2004
Thu, 04-07-2005 - 1:40am

(((black_ice22)))

I am so sorry that you are feeling this way. You sound like you have been through so much, which has probably made you a very strong woman, reach down deep inside and find her! I hope you can get the help you need because the world does need and want you.

Amanda

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Registered: 04-21-2003
Thu, 04-07-2005 - 11:27am

The questionyou asked about my alters rather they are intergrated or not no they are not my T won't do it b/c of my one alter who is very destructive to my body. I have one who works hard to keep us safe but most of the time the " bad " alter is too strong for the rest.

My T called again yesterday and I told her that I would go up to her office sometime today so I have to try to gt up there,

thanks
Mary

Mary
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
Thu, 04-07-2005 - 12:01pm

Sending more hugs your way.... I hope your visit with your T. goes well and that IF she suggests hospitalization you allow that to happen. We can't lose you now, Mary---your babies need you and YOU'VE fought too hard to give up now!!! Hugs and prayers, Lori

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