a short up date on me " TRIGS "
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| Wed, 04-06-2005 - 3:35pm |
well I am still the same if not worse, I have avoided people and I havent even tried to put on a happy face for a while now. Had my T appt today and it didnt go well at all I left there feeling like total garbage about myself and my life and I am tired of living with all this crap in my life with my ED and my MPD and my depression I cant cope anymore I hate being this sad my kids will be lost w/o me and it hurts me to even think this way but I have to do something.
I once said that you cant help a F***up and that is wat I am. I have a plan and a date and I have everything else, I have to type out my wishes for my funeral I am scared to do it but I feel as if it is the only way I can deal with the pain, yes I am selfish and a horrible mother and person but I cant go on any more. I have been hoarding pills so I have enough now but I am going to go to the doc and get some pain pills so finish my collection off.
THANKS
ME
Edited 4/6/2005 5:56 pm ET ET by black_ice22

Hi Mary,
(((black_ice22)))
I am so sorry that you are feeling this way. You sound like you have been through so much, which has probably made you a very strong woman, reach down deep inside and find her! I hope you can get the help you need because the world does need and want you.
Amanda
The questionyou asked about my alters rather they are intergrated or not no they are not my T won't do it b/c of my one alter who is very destructive to my body. I have one who works hard to keep us safe but most of the time the " bad " alter is too strong for the rest.
My T called again yesterday and I told her that I would go up to her office sometime today so I have to try to gt up there,
thanks
Mary
Sending more hugs your way.... I hope your visit with your T. goes well and that IF she suggests hospitalization you allow that to happen. We can't lose you now, Mary---your babies need you and YOU'VE fought too hard to give up now!!! Hugs and prayers, Lori