couldn't see my T
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couldn't see my T
| Tue, 04-19-2005 - 4:04pm |
I had a T appointment this morning, but I had to cancel it because of him. He was hollering at me 'again' this morning because of money I had spent (believe me when I say it wasn't much and I do work) ,,,, he started going through all the places I had been to and how much I'd spent,,even the damn Dollar Store! So I knew then I had better not go to see my T because then he would yell at me for that payment too. I felt 'so' bad having to cancel out on her only hours before. I emailed and then left a phone message. She wrote me back asking if I was alright and to let her know when I can come. I guess my complaining sounds stupid to you, it is just I live with such a controlling person and sometimes it just gets to me more than other times. He did something to my car yesterday and the promptly starts on how it is 'our' car. He wants he takes. I was going to cut last night because I was so upset about the car,,,,had both knives out but managed to put them away after awhile and didn't hurt myself. But now today,,,not getting to see my T well I don't know if I can do that this time. He questions the cheque everytime I write it even though he knows what it is for (at least I think he does,,,but that isn't really such a good thing if he knows what it is for) I wish I could go without worrying about the reprecussions afterwards. I go to try to get better,,,I don't go and spend that money at a restaurant or new shoes,,,,heaven knows he'd yell at me for that too though.
So now I have to wait another week to see if I can go see my T,,,,,another week seems like such a long time to me right now. I should be able to deal with things,,,,maybe I'm becoming too dependent on her, I know that can happen. I'm sorry,,,,I was kind of feeling better before but now I feel like someone pushed me off the stairs I climbed and I'm down at the bottom again.
This was way too long,,,,I apologize,,,I'm sorry,,,I think if I was smarter I could make things better here,,,I am really such a pathetic useless so-and-so,,,like he says,,,,Abby
So now I have to wait another week to see if I can go see my T,,,,,another week seems like such a long time to me right now. I should be able to deal with things,,,,maybe I'm becoming too dependent on her, I know that can happen. I'm sorry,,,,I was kind of feeling better before but now I feel like someone pushed me off the stairs I climbed and I'm down at the bottom again.
This was way too long,,,,I apologize,,,I'm sorry,,,I think if I was smarter I could make things better here,,,I am really such a pathetic useless so-and-so,,,like he says,,,,Abby

Hi Abby,