Is it normal...

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2005
Is it normal...
5
Thu, 05-05-2005 - 10:23am

Hello everyone, I'm new to this board and found it while trawling the internet for info and support from people going through similar things to myself.

I'm 21 years old and, although only diagnosed with depression a year ago, have been suffering from depression and various eating disorders for about 4 years. I am on medication (sertraline)and having counselling for my depression. I attempted to commit suicide last Spring and have contemplated it alot since.

My main question is...is it normal to sometimes not want to be 'normal'? Don't get me wrong, I would give anything to go back to the way I was and never to have felt such blackness inside. But what is left for me if and when I get better? I feel like depression and EDs have been a part of me for such a long time, at such a formative part of my life, that if I lose them I lose a big part of my identity. As not many people are aware of my problems, sometimes just knowing I have a dark secret is comforting to me. I know this sounds crazy, and is a product of my distorted thinking, but does anyone else feel similar?

I have plenty of other questions whwere that came from...but enough for now!

Love to all
Lucy
X

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
Thu, 05-05-2005 - 3:21pm

Hi Lucy and welcome to the board! I think you will find us a friendly and supportive bunch who've experienced some of the same feelings you describe at one time or another. I hope you'll stick around and let us get to know each other a bit better! Not many rules here...just the basics: respect each post-er's opinions even if you don't agree with them, no cursing or for instance using symbols in the place of letters that form swear words, and no verbal attacking. Other than that if you have any questions about those issues, you can read ivillage's TOS (terms of service) or just ask okay? Oh, one more thing? You can post about pretty much anything but if the topic may be hard for other members to read I ask that you put the word "TRIGGER" either in the subject line or the first line or two of the post itself!


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2005
Fri, 05-06-2005 - 1:37pm

Yes, it is normal because people can adapt to anything. Right now you and I are both adapted to being depressed and secretly miserable at all times. It is a survival mechanism because without it, we would go insane. When you think about it your mind is much stronger and more flexible than it might seem.

When you start to feel better, you will adapt to that too and eventually it will seem just as normal to you as this does now. Normal is a relative term!

Avatar for schitz
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2004
Fri, 05-06-2005 - 3:02pm

I definately agree. But again, maybe that's me staying in the victim role. But definately in the not so distant past I would have agreed with you 100% Depression was what I knew (and all I thought I knew because when I am in either or a manic or depressed state it's like I forget that I've ever been anything but).

And once again, wow Lori! You amaze and inspire me.

Sorry, I'm not as eloquent as Lori ;)

Amanda

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
Fri, 05-06-2005 - 10:09pm
Thanks Amanda! I try--lol! Hugs, Lori
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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2004
Sat, 05-07-2005 - 11:44am
Hello Lucy and welcome. I thought a lot about your question and it made me question to myself just what is 'normal' for me anyway? I suppose one is to compare what the doctors and such classify as 'normal' to then see what slot you fall into on that scale. I think when you've lived a certain way for so many years,,,fighting depression,,,fighting SI,,,fighting self-hatred and all the other battles I face,,,well they do somehow become my 'norm'. When I step out of the real saddness ,,, yes it feels good ,,, but it feels strangely foreign to me too and along with that is a sense of being uncomfortable. That may be because I know it isn't a lasting good feeling and I can never totally immerse myself in it. I don't know if any of what I just wrote made 'any' sense (lol) ,,, but I thank you for the question because it did make me think about somethings.
,,,,Abby