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| Tue, 05-17-2005 - 10:50pm |
Hi Everyone,
My name is Marlena. I am here because I need a place to go once in a while as I have suffered with suicidal thoughts all of my life. Strange thing is, I have no real reason to want to die at the present time. I have been in therapy and it has helped a lot! I did have an abusive childhood and abusive marriage but now in a great marriage and have moved on and up. Sooooo, why I still struggle with these thoughts now and then is just beyond me! My first serious suicidal thought was at about 11 or 12 years old. I am 43 now and still find myself just wanting to die now and then. I stop myself because of those in my life who would be so hurt by it. I don't know what causes it...it comes over me like a tidal wave and suddenly I feel numb and need to go to sleep all I can think of is how I would like to just end it all. I might stay in bed for hours fighting these feelings. Eventually I work my way out of it and go on.
Bad part is, no one who knew me would ever guess. I am sort of considered the life of the party and very vivacious I suppose...no one knows the dark, sad side of me that is hiding inside and suffers such sadness. I just avoid people when I'm feeling this way. I don't take phone calls or talk to anyone until I'm feeling better and then I make some excuse about how busy I was. I never let on that I was in bed wanting to die.
Anyhow, found this board and thought maybe I could come here when I am feeling so low and at least say how I feel.
Take care...Marlena
My name is Marlena. I am here because I need a place to go once in a while as I have suffered with suicidal thoughts all of my life. Strange thing is, I have no real reason to want to die at the present time. I have been in therapy and it has helped a lot! I did have an abusive childhood and abusive marriage but now in a great marriage and have moved on and up. Sooooo, why I still struggle with these thoughts now and then is just beyond me! My first serious suicidal thought was at about 11 or 12 years old. I am 43 now and still find myself just wanting to die now and then. I stop myself because of those in my life who would be so hurt by it. I don't know what causes it...it comes over me like a tidal wave and suddenly I feel numb and need to go to sleep all I can think of is how I would like to just end it all. I might stay in bed for hours fighting these feelings. Eventually I work my way out of it and go on.
Bad part is, no one who knew me would ever guess. I am sort of considered the life of the party and very vivacious I suppose...no one knows the dark, sad side of me that is hiding inside and suffers such sadness. I just avoid people when I'm feeling this way. I don't take phone calls or talk to anyone until I'm feeling better and then I make some excuse about how busy I was. I never let on that I was in bed wanting to die.
Anyhow, found this board and thought maybe I could come here when I am feeling so low and at least say how I feel.
Take care...Marlena

Hi Marlena and welcome to the board! I'm sorry that you aren't doing well right now but I