This too shall pass... right.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2005
This too shall pass... right.
5
Wed, 05-25-2005 - 2:43pm

Summer 2002: I have no job. I have just been dumped by my boyfriend. I am alone. I am bulimic. I cut.

Summer 2005: I still have no job (but have had several in between). I just broke up with my boyfriend, and when I approached him about getting back together, he refused. I live on the other side of the country (where I came from originally, actually), where I know no one and have no friends. I'm bulimic again. I might start cutting again.

Aside from the fact that now i'm in a different state, what's changed in three years? I mean, aside from the fact that i've been rejected by university graduate admissions, now I have no friends, that I had to give up my cat, and that I've spent $100,000 of my parents' money to survive without a job, what's changed? I still have nothing to show for being here except a mass of debt, a broken heart and bad self-esteem, a result of having been rejected by job after job, man after man, university after university.

People keep telling me that "this too shall pass." Oh really? Well would you like to tell me just when the heck that will be? Because in three years, nothing's passed.

I have tried, and I have tried, and I have tried. Life hasn't thrown me a bone in years. So what's the point?

ScottieLass




Edited 5/25/2005 5:34 pm ET ET by scottielass
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
Wed, 05-25-2005 - 5:18pm

Hi Scottielass and welcome to the board! I'm sure you will find it a supportive place! But first unfortunately, I must get "business" out of the way....lol! Can you please edit this post to remove the swear word? To do that, click on the "edit" at the right side of your post and remove the word or substitute it for another non swear word such as heck. ivillages TOS (terms of service) does not permit swearing--either using the actual word OR, using symbols in place of letters to form a swear word. A few other basics....also when you post and the material is potentially upsetting to other members' can you please put the word "TRIGGER" in the title or the first sentence of the post? Thanks, we appreciate it!


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Wed, 05-25-2005 - 8:40pm

Hi, scottielass! Please accept my welcome to the community as well! I am a brand spankin' newbie today, too:) ITA with what my co-cl Lori has said. It does seem that many of us get what we expect. If you don't expect this to pass, chances are it won't. It sounds as if you've quit expecting that bone.


Everyone needs to find a balance in their life. I have nothing against men, but placing so much hope in relationships when you don't have your personal life balanced doesn't seem the right way around. Do you think it might be better to focus on education and/or a job first? Then go for the man? I think we've all heard the stories our mother's told us that we can't change a man *after* we marry him. I happen to think that we won't be able to change ourselves much afer we *lose ourselves* in someone else. Allow yourself the time to grieve for this fellow, then go out & have some fun. When was the last time you had fun?


What about the bulimia? Is this something you have considered therapy for? Also, the SI? Improving your self image & gaining new found self esteem is possible. Looking inward & negative thinking can keep us down. Have you considered looking outside yourself? I have found volunteer work to be just the ticket to get me refocused. I see you have a great love of animals. Is it possible that volunteering @ a shelter would put you in a better position to get a job? Would it prove to admissions that you have the desire to work & take on a cause even without pay? When my thoughts are overwhelming, I try to break them into bite sized pieces. Your issues can't be solved in a day, but breaking them down will make them more manageable.


I would like you to make a promise to our community that you won't do any cutting. I want you to ask a professional or a close friend or a family member for help. We want you safe. We want you to feel better. Let us know how things are going. Good luck & GBU! (((hugs))) jan



 

 


 



iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2005
Thu, 05-26-2005 - 5:07pm

I used to agree with everything you've both said. But I believed it three years ago, and things haven't changed. I am in therapy, but unless my therapist gets me a job with a liveable income, there's not much he can do, realistically. I live in Orange County Cal., and I used to live in Wash DC doing high profile political work for the White House. Politics, I have discovered, has a really good way of killing you within.

And volunteering won't help. Not to sound like I'm not willing to work to feel better, but what good does it do? I volunteer at an Alzheimer's home, but it doesn't bring in any income, and I still have to call my parents monthly for a couple thousand in cash just to pay bills.

I've always been very career driven, I haven't had that many boyfriends. That's why this whole ex-boyfriend thing is taking me by surprise, but it's really affecting me.

I'm bulimic because it's the only sense of control I can get in my life.

Bottom line, I'm at the end of my rope. I don't see how, without a job or some sort of distraction in my life, anything is going to change. So what's the point of all this? What's to stop me from hurting myself? Why not? Because my mom wants me not to? That's hardly a reason not to give in.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Fri, 05-27-2005 - 10:45am

TRIGGERS


I'll be perfectly honest with you. If I were your parents, I'd close that bank. On rare

 

 


 



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Fri, 05-27-2005 - 4:21pm

I want to apologize for offending you in any way. It was NOT my intent. When I spoke of the therapist as an employment agency, I was referring to myself & what a novel idea. It was my fault for assuming you would understand my brand of humor.


As for job hunting, once again, I assumed you had given up on the search because of your feelings of hopelessness & the unhappiness of not being accepted in school. That was my fault as well.


I would like to declare a truce, scottielass. Once again, I want you to know that I do care. I am NOT trying to trivialize your problems. Your feelings are valid & important to you. My role here is to repect that. I am sorry if you thought otherwise. Good luck & GBU! (((hugs))) jan