Trigs - SI

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2004
Trigs - SI
4
Sat, 05-28-2005 - 9:54pm
I'm having some difficulty now that the weather is warmer and I am not always wearing long sleeves and pants,,,,explaining my 'wounds'. People at work are forever commenting on them and I feel badly how I have to keep making up lies. I've been asked how I've burnt myself and how did you get such bad cuts? ,,,, so far my 'lies' about hurting myself while gardening seem to be working but I panic wondering how long I can keep up this charade. I told them that I garden a lot so you will always see lot of cuts and stuff on me. Kind of bad cuts for gardening sometimes though. Even so it upsets me that they are so noticeable. It makes me angry now that I can't just do it wherever I want to without always taking into consideration whether they will be seen. That just takes away part of the whole thing about doing it. I don't hide them from my T anymore and that has made me feel better but she knows about it so it is different. I know this is going to sound really stupid but I imagine in my head being able to do whatever I want to to myself,,,,cut all over and not have to deal with the reprecussions of it after,,,somehow that sometimes helps alleviate the anxiety I feel when I want to so badly and can't do it. I don't know why I am even writing about this actually,,,guess just maybe because so many people asked me 'what happened' today and well it just really made me feel self-concious. Thanks for listening anyway though,,,,,,Abby
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Sat, 05-28-2005 - 11:46pm
Hi, Abby! I found this statement of your's very significant. "I know this is going to sound really stupid but I imagine in my head being able to do whatever I want to to myself,,,,cut all over and not have to deal with the reprecussions of it after,,,somehow that sometimes helps alleviate the anxiety I feel when I want to so badly and can't do it." You are able to control the SI for periods of time & just the thought is enough to reduce the anxiety. That shows alot of strength on your part. Though the pain you're feeling may take a long time to get worked out, it is possible to substitute the SI with another less harmful activity. Ppl who quit smoking, sometimes wear a rubber band to snap when the urge to light up is overwhelming. I know a woman who has panic attacks & when she feels one coming on, pops a Tic-Tac in her mouth. She says the mint flavor makes her more aware of her actions & able to focus on reducing the anxiety. Just being new here, I'm not sure if this is feasible, but thought I would share. It's good to know that you can come here to express your feelings. I am sorry about the self consciousness. That must be very hard. Sending PT's your way. (((hugs))) jan



 

 


 



iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
Sun, 05-29-2005 - 10:52am

Hey Abby,


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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2004
Sun, 05-29-2005 - 5:35pm

Yes Lori,,,,it is just SO that ,,,,, that I feel angry and resentful I have to control my SI because of other people!!!!! Sometimes I come so close to just telling them the truth so they will be shocked and back off and just leave me alone!!!! I know I can't do that,,,,especially at work. In my mind I rationalize doing it and when I see someone light up a cigarette because they 'need' it I think so what is the difference???? I know that one of these days someone is going to ask me,,,,and I think probably some people already think it. I am almost jumping out of my skin because I want to,,,,no NEED to do it so badly. I will probably,,,but now I have more anxiety because I am thinking where the heck can I do it so no one will see it???? ,,,, and that makes me SO ANGRY!!! I have a husband I have to consider seeing places others don't,,,,so that even upsets me more. It is MY body and I should be able to do what I want to it,,,they are MY feelings and how I handle them should be entirely up to ME and ME alone!!!! Would they rather I just go and do IT???? Probably not,,,,,so if this helps me,,,,back off and leave me alone!!!!!

(I'm sorry,,,,Abby)

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
Mon, 05-30-2005 - 10:28am

Hi Abby,


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