Still Here

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2005
Still Here
2
Tue, 05-31-2005 - 11:19pm

Warning: This post might upset some people

Hi,

I'm still here for now. I didn't check the board since my last post since things calmed down a tiny bit... but I should have known it was too nice to last.

I went got my eye doc appt last weekend. My eyes were the main reason I got conned out of my only chance at the freedom of an apartment. The parents claimed they would pay for my eye surgery (I'm going blind)... but only on the condition that I can't leave. So I cancelled my apt at the last minute.

Big mistake.

I went for my pre-op appt only to find out that I can't have the surgery. I don't qualify for even the most advanced of procedures. The only things I partially qualify for is such a long shot that the doc won't consider it. He said the surgery itself would strip my cornea so badly that it will likely collapse, causing me to go blind prematurely.

Long story short: I'll be blind in roughly 10 years or so. At the moment, I'm already legally blind without the contacts in. You know that giant "E" on the eye chart? I can't even see the chart it's on, let alone the E.

*sigh*

So now I have a deadline. 10 years in which to do all the things I've missed out on for the last 25.

I've known since I was 16 that I would be blind eventually. I always thought surgery would be an option though. Now that it's not, I can plan. I have no desire to live dependant on someone else. I have no friends, never had a boyfriend, no family I can trust, and no trust for someone hired. So once I'm blind... that's it. I'll wait till the last minute then end it before someone can take over my life again.

In the meantime, I'm still depressed but have gone back to small amounts of pain to keep it under control like I did when I was a kid.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
In reply to: mariastuff
Wed, 06-01-2005 - 8:56am

Hello! It's nice to see you posting. I am sorry to hear what you are going through. It must be very difficult. TBH, I'm not sure how I would cope in a situation such as this. But, I am no quitter & much like you, I value my independence. I have read that there are programs out there to teach the newly blind or those about to lose their vision how to perform activities of daily living. You are taught how to manage on your own. Learning braille is a possibility. Acquiring a seeing eye dog or perhaps they call them *service dogs* now is certainly possible. You do not have to settle for second best. You CAN live the life you have always wanted. You can have an apartment of your own, if you want it!


There's no doubt that depression & thoughts of suicide will overcome you. I am sorry the surgery you planned on isn't available. That must be devastating.

 

 


 



iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2005
In reply to: mariastuff
Thu, 06-02-2005 - 5:14pm

Mariastuff,

I am new to the board I have been coming here maybe about a week.

I am so happy to meet you!

I'm sorry bout whats happening to you...it must be terrible for you.

I will have you in my thoughts...

CJ~
http://crackurjax.tripod.com/crackurjaxsplace

HUGGZZZZZ CJ~ http://crackurjax.tripod.com/crackurjaxsplace