Lost Will To Live

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2004
Lost Will To Live
11
Fri, 06-03-2005 - 9:53pm

I've got to do something about the ex husband situation.  Nothing is happy in my life anymore.  I was miserable in the marriage because of him, but being divorced from him is worse.  He was controlling in the marriage, and he is even more controlling now.  He still upsets me on a regular basis.  One of the things he does is he continually asks for more time with the kids.  You might say that would be a good thing, that he takes an interest in the kids.  Well, it's to the point where the kids  aren't used to spending a weekend with me anymore. 


Like today.  He called at 8am.  He asked if he could come get the kids early.  I told him no, I wanted to spend the day with him.  He threw a fit, threatens me he's gonna fight for custody, on and on.  He calls back an hour later.  Same thing.  Then he called a third time.  I still told him no.  By this time my day is ruined.  So what does he do?  He shows up in my driveway hours early like I told him not too.   Of course the kids are all excited and jump in the truck with him and off they go.  But it's been for a long time now he keeps on like this, and the kids aren't even used to spending even one single weekend with me.


I'm always getting walked all over now matter what I do.  I divorced him to get away from his control.  I think he has more control now.  He upsets me anyway he can. 


I gotta find a way to get away from him somehow.  There is just no getting away.  I'm just so tired of crying every day because of him.


 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
Sat, 06-04-2005 - 11:30am

I'm sorry to hear things are still very stressful with the ex-husband/children situation! Here's my thoughts...they may not apply to you but if you feel that something I suggest might work, please feel free to give it a try okay?


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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2004
Sat, 06-04-2005 - 11:46am
I do have custody orders/visitation times set.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Sat, 06-04-2005 - 11:52am

Hi, Jody! It's so nice to have you drop in. You are not alone. I happen to be a big fan of Judge Judy & this controlling *ex* business is very common. He probably got away with it during your marriage & it's very easy for him to *think* he can manipulate you now. You do have some control in this. You don't need to fight or be in fear of your life. Just get the visitation changed. Kids do not thrive on discord. Any judge would clearly see that keeping your entire family on edge will not provide the safety & security that children need while growing up. This man needs limits set on his behavior with you, as well as the kids & a judge can do that. Visitation must have clearly set times & anyone abusing the system should have consequences.


Are you feeling that you might harm yourself? That must be very scary. I am wondering if you have thought through these

 

 


 



iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2005
Sun, 06-05-2005 - 11:19am

My ex used to be that way with my two oldest boys.
He never wanted to have anything to do with the baby..

But mine turned out different, my ex took my two oldest boys
during a weekend visit..Took me to court and won...
CA is different when it comes to fathers wanting to raise their
kids.

Not that that is going to happen...I just think he should give you some
time as well.

I'm sorry you are going thru this...but we are here to talk too.

Take care of you!
CJ~
http://crackurjax.tripod.com/crackurjaxsplace


Hugggzzzzz!
CJ~


Crackurjaxsplace


HUGGZZZZZ CJ~ http://crackurjax.tripod.com/crackurjaxsplace
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2004
Mon, 06-06-2005 - 1:38pm

What would you do if you were in my shoes?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 06-06-2005 - 2:34pm

Jody, I'm sorry...I just wanted to let you know I read your post and I'm thinking of you. I know that's probably not much help...but I'm not a parent and honestly don't know what I would do in your situation. (I am wondering, though, when you said you can't separate your 7 yr old from her sister, why is that?)

Sorry I don't remember this, but are you seeing a therapist? If so, maybe this is an issue you could discuss with him or her...there are even some family therapists out there who would probably have some good ideas. I know that might seem like kind of an extreme option, but if there really doesn't seem to be any viable solution, maybe it's something to think about.

Many hugs...try to realize, this doesn't make you any less or worse of a mother...the situation with your 7 yr old's dad has just created some complicated issues.

Rose

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2004
Mon, 06-06-2005 - 3:01pm
I have a 5 yr old and 7 yr old.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2005
Mon, 06-06-2005 - 3:25pm

Before my ex husband got full custody my sons...the two oldest
would ask to go to his house all the time as well.

It would be a book to tell you everything...but here is a little sample
of what they started doing.

My boys were your daughters age.....one morning the spread vasiline all over
the kitchen floor and when I went thru the door way I slipped and fell right on my
back.
They took pens to my then boyfriends car...we are married now. By the grace of God.

They would tear the blinds down in their room, take closet doors off....
My oldest would pee on the wall...I caught him once.

And many many other things..............

They did those things so that they could live with their father.

I lost them...now my oldest is 18 and the other one is 17 years old.

The youndest of my boys was just 2 when they left..so there was no seperation
problems.

Now I cry at birthdays,holidays,when I see a young man I wonder if that is my son??
Ex would not let me see them, nor could I have pictures...

I didn't have the money to take him to court again.

Anyway...kids will do what ever it takes to get what they want.

I hope your situation gets better. Sending you peace and energy to deal with your daughter.

CJ~
http://crackurjax.tripod.com/crackurjaxsplace


Hugggzzzzz!
CJ~


Crackurjaxsplace


HUGGZZZZZ CJ~ http://crackurjax.tripod.com/crackurjaxsplace
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Mon, 06-06-2005 - 4:11pm
For what it's worth, I have alot of problems dealing with my 17 yo dd. She's been a handful for years. I am not a bad parent, nor are you. But we all need help in raising kids sometimes. Discussing these issues with your therapist as Rose suggested is a good idea. My depression & anxiety are in check, but I discuss my dd's behavior with a therapist to get good ideas on how to cope with her lies & manipulations. Maybe you could use a hand on how to set some limits on your 7 yo's behavior. Just a suggestion, but how about limiting phone calls only when she is cooperative & not begging to go to her dad's? Kids can learn quickly that good behavior will get good results. I know that it's a challenge to even begin, Jody. Sometimes it seems easier to avoid confrontation. We will never be very popular:) In fact, my name is mud around here most of the time. Or worse. LOL I can certainly feel for you. It's so hard to manage any sort of change when we're down & frustrated. I hope you get to feeling better. (((hugs))) jan



 

 


 



iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2004
Wed, 06-08-2005 - 4:21pm

How did you cope after they moved with their dad?

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