trigs - vent

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2004
trigs - vent
3
Sat, 06-04-2005 - 9:08am
Just needing to vent I guess,,,or complain whatever one calls it. So tired,,,,he makes me sooooo tired. It is like never being able to relax totally, to always be alert, to always have to defend or try,,,and try is such a futile term,,,try to understand and make sense of why he says and does what he does. The control is consuming me. Yells at me for spending money, for not doing things his way,,,yells at me for writing a cheque,,,which was to my T which I need to go and see again now but am now too afraid to go. She wants me to come more often but I can't. He so contributes to me wanting to die,,,and when I SI he is often the trigger. I told my T last time about often thinking of dying,,,she wanted to know what I would do,,,I remained silent so she said you're not going to talk to me are you? I HATE when I feel like this,,,,I struggle so to try to be okay and somedays I guess I see how badly I suck at that. I am so tired and need to take my meds but they make me more tired and I have to go to work and ,,, oh it just isn't fair. Sorry for this,,,just another bad morning and that usually means I will be down for awhile again.
Abby
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Sat, 06-04-2005 - 11:37am
((((Abby)))) I am sorry to hear this. I know that many times when we feel down, it seems like a losing battle. But, it isn't. Where there's life there's hope. You are a good person. You have value. Being put down all the time & being yelled @ for writing a check for the necessary therapist visit can't be easy. You admit to knowing this triggers the SI & the thoughts of suicide. If he isn't going to change, then can you? Can you see that you have the power to NOT allow him to control you?
 

 


 



iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2005
Sun, 06-05-2005 - 11:06am

I have often felt the way you do....
My DH would get upset if I had to pay for my therapist or anything like that.

He was never controlling...I have hopes that your guy will change...

I don't have any magic words to help you,I can only offer support.

I am here to talk too when ever you want.

Take care of you...

CJ~
http://crackurjax.tripod.com/crackurjaxsplace


Hugggzzzzz!
CJ~


Crackurjaxsplace


HUGGZZZZZ CJ~ http://crackurjax.tripod.com/crackurjaxsplace
Avatar for schitz
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2004
Mon, 06-06-2005 - 1:24pm

(((((hugs))))

I wish I could swoop in and steal you away from that situation. You do need out of there. I know you need to see your T and stuff and it is horrible that you can't or are afraid to. No one should make us afraid. That really angers me. BTDT and never want to see anyone else have to. Makes me want to cry.

I wish all the strength in the world.

Amanda

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