Trigs - bad day
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Trigs - bad day
| Wed, 06-08-2005 - 1:35pm |
Writing cos I'm not doing so well again. Broke open a razor to get the blade. Bled a lot but I think it will stop. Still have to go to work. I try to make everyone there happy all the time. It is always me to cares and makes the effort to make others feel better. It makes me tired. I can't do it all the time and when I am quiet people keep asking me what is the matter? are you okay? and I lie and say yes, but I think why do I have to be okay all of the time anyway? Leave me alone!!!!! I take meds before work just to get through it. I think I need to see my T but I don't know if I can. I don't know if he'll get mad and I wrote some stuff last time she has I don't know if I want to talk about. You know those feelings of hating yourself and feeling like such a loser? Those feelings of thinking you are good at playing the game and then realizing just how badly you are at it after all? just can't understand why He put me here anyway. that is me right now,,,,,I'm sorry
Abby
Abby

Hey Abby,
I am sorry to hear that you are so down, Abby. That is rough. I am scared for you when it comes to this cutting. I agree with Lori, that if you can't control these urges, you must get yourself some help to assure your safety. It would be such a waste for you to allow things to cross the line. He did put you here for a reason. It may not be clear to you @ this moment, but this moment is only temporary.
I understand the pressure you're under to act like nothing's wrong & please the folks @ work. But you have control over that pressure. We all worry way more than we should about what others think. Try to focus on your feelings & their importance to you. If you don't put yourself first, noone else will. If you believe in Him, then use your faith to strengthen your worth & purpose in life. When it all come's out in the wash, what's between you & Him is all that will matter. Keep in touch. Sending P&PT's your way. (((hugs))) jan
I agree with