I'm beyond worried.....
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| Mon, 06-13-2005 - 10:28am |
Hi everyone
I've never posted here before, and now that i"m here its not for me......I'm majorly worried about a friend of mine. Its to the point that right now, as I type this here at work, I'm shaking, on the verge of tears and I feel like I'm going to be sick. (sorry, this could get long)
I met this guy (my friend) back in Feb of this year. He and I became good friends almost instantly. He and I have been through some rough stuff in our lives, particularly over the past few years. He felt comfortable enough with me to tell me some of the stuff he's been through.
Fast forward to just recently. He came to me last week and told me I was one of his best friends that he has ever made and that he tells me the things he does because he trusts me.
Since I've known him he's been one of these ones who likes to drink. But, last week he came to me, visibly upset (not crying or anything) and told me that he knows he has a drinking problem. I've known this for a while, but when I tried to discuss it with him he said there wasn't an issue. He now realizes there is a problem. He's using alcohol as a coping mechanism and its only making things worse. He says he drinks when he's bored, and only when he's bored.....he's one of these ones who needs to keep busy. I know otherwise. He's drinking to try to make himself feel better, but with alcohol being a depressant its not doing him any good.
He's said somethings to me over the past little while, that looking back I should have paid more attention to. He tells me he has no friends (then tells me I'm one of his best friends), he feels he has no one and nothing, he just generally feels hopeless.
Now, he's been divorced (he's now 28), lost his house, his cars, his business. He was in a relationship after his wife, but that didn't pan out. He found out a few days ago that she was in the area (he moved across the country to try to pick up and start over......thats why I'm out here!) and he freaked. We called her (well, I called her) to see if she'd be willing to just talk to him again and she made it quite clear to me that she doesn't want to have anything to do with him. I felt horrible, but I had to tell him exactly how she felt, I couldn't lie to him. He was crushed. I've known for quite a while that he was still caught up on someone, I just couldn't tell if it was her or his exwife. I now know.
Yesterday, he and I hopped in the car and took off for the day and we both had an amazing time! Its not too often that he and I can spend THAT much time together (we were gone for like 10hrs!) and not bicker the whole time. We saw some amazing scenery, laughed, cranked the tunes and sang, took pictures.....had a GREAT time. HOWEVER, we were just about 15mins from home and all I hear is "NO F-ING WAY!". I'm looking around, I don't see any police or anything. He goes on to say that we just past HER car (his ex gf). Well, there went the good day we both had. I tried to distract him and lift his spirits again, but it just didn't work.
He dropped me off at home and I'm guessing he went home.
I had a message waiting for me at work this morning telling me to call a friend of mine. She works at another hotel in the area, and works the 3rd shift. She said our friend (she's also friends with him) was in the bar last night at her hotel drinking. He came out to where she was working and she said he just looked horrible. She told him he needs to stay away from the alcohol and its only making him feel worse. Since she was at work, she had guests she had to go deal with. She turned around and saw him walking out the door. By the time she got out from behind the desk he was already in the car and gone. She didn't see or hear anymore of him. So, I called her this morning. She said she is really worried about him and is scared that he's going to try to hurt himself even further than what his drinking already has. And I kinda saw it coming quite a while ago, but I just didn't want to believe it. I chalked it up to a case of the blues and decided I'd just watch him. And as much as I don't want to admit it, I see him getting progressively worse.
I understand that the feelings of hoplessness are somewhat of a choice. But, he really believes he's got no one........or nothing to live for. And honestly, I'm terrified. I watched a friend battle depression when we were 14 (her and I no longer speak however) and helped her through the times when she wanted to hurt herself.
I just don't know what to do. He's got no family in the area that I could call. I'm basically all he has. And I'm lost.
My friend and I thought we should try to talk to him after work today. But, what do we say. I don't want to be too confrontational and have him freak out and only make it worse, but I want him to know we're seriously concerned and that we're not joking.
What do we say? What do we do? How should we do it? We have to figure out where we're going to do it as well!
I dunno. If anyone has ANY ideas/suggestions....ANYTHING, I'd really appreciate it!
Thanks!



Hello & welcome to our board. You seem to be a very good & loyal friend to this fella. I am very sorry to hear how things have worked out for him in his life. I can see that you have alot of compassion & sensitivity to his problems. Other than identifying his drinking, what other problems do you see? Noting the subject matter of the board, I am guessing you think he is thinking about suicide. Is this correct? What makes you think this or is it just a feeling?
People who have made a decision to end their lives, may have some obvious changes in their behavior. They are happier, more relieved, as the plan has been set in motion. They may give away their belongings or money. They no longer make future plans such as paying their bills or finalizing details for a vacation. They may share their plans in a secretive or veiled way, so that others don't know exactly what they're thinking. They may talk openly about it. Contrary to popular belief, it should be taken seriously. They're not joking! Men generally are more successful @ suicide, as their method of choice is more lethal. A gun is very lethal. Does your friend have a plan he has discussed? Does he have access to lethal methods of ending his life? If you have good reason to believe that the plan has been set in motion, please call 911 or the emergency number for the local mental health authorities.
If you think your friend is only drinking too much, having an intervention, IMHO
Hi
thanks
Well, he hasn't come right out and said he but he's said things like "I have nothing left in life" or "I have nothing to live for anymore".
Hi there and welcome to the board! I'm glad you found us and I hope we can provide you with a listening ear and a supportive place to vent!
Hi
thanks
I have no worries what so ever about him being at all violent.
Hey Erin,
HI
I had typed out a post before, but it apparently got chewed up and spit out by my computer....great.....
So,
I'm glad you got to speak to his sister (although normally, I wouldn't be an advocate of breaking into someone's email account--lol! You had good reason though!).
Hi Lori!
Well, techinically I didn't break into his account.....i knew his password!