can you believe it

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
can you believe it
5
Thu, 06-16-2005 - 3:09pm

I am still doing pretty good I have my days of downs but they arent so down that I am stuck in the rut of thinking about hurting myself. I have tried to close myself off to my family b/c they are so toxic and that was going great until my sister moved in behind me she is now living with a registered sex offender and is trying to bring me down, I dont know if any of you know this about me but I am anorexic and so is my sister so growing up was always a competition on who weighs less and who wears the smaller clothes between me and my sister and my mom. well I was doing good with my ED and now I am starting to do badly, I have to weigh less then my sister, I have even gone to look for dite pills containing epherda ( which caused me to have a brain bleed in 1993 along with a stroke) and I know the risks but I cant allow my sister to be smaller then me. So in that aspect I am not doing well, but to be honest with ya'll I will never get rid of my ED. My ED is like a really good friend to me and it is my lifline to be happy.

hugs to yall and may God bless ya
Mary

Mary
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
Thu, 06-16-2005 - 9:21pm

Hi Mary,


It's so good to hear that you are continuing to feel better emotionally!! It's also good to hear that you are trying to separate yourself from your family! I wish, for your sake (and that of your own family) that your sis hadn't moved near you!! She sounds like she's got some pretty serious issues to work through herself and I'd hate to see that old "who weighs less" competition get the best of you.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Thu, 06-16-2005 - 11:45pm

It's good to hear that you are still doing well, even with the worrisome ED. Please keep safe & avoid the ephedra. You know, Mary, you might not be so lucky this time. Years have passed & things like that can have an even worse impact on our health.


Competitiveness can work to your advantage. Instead of focusing on the weight issues, try to see what's positive in your life. This man in your sister's life does not sound like a prize. You are doing well. Try to remind yourself of the goodness you have.

 

 


 



iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Fri, 06-17-2005 - 1:40pm
yea my DH isnt too happy about her moving in behind us, now my nephew will come to visit her and there isnt anything I can do, I only hope that he doesnt try to come over here b/c I know what he will try to do, he has had this love for me that no nephew should have he has threatened ( but not to me ) that he was going to get me and kill my DH and kids, but it is his word against someone elses word.
I am still trying to stay pretty positive and I am trying to accept that I am at a healthy wt and I exercise everyday and I know that my sister is doing drugs so that is why she is losing so much wt. but it is so hard for me btu I know that I can do it I have to I have my weak days where I will plan on going to the store to buy some diet pills but as long as I stay away from the store then I am doing ok. I have to look at this as a minute by minute thing not day by day. And with Gods help I know I can do it.
Lori I know there isnt a perfect wt for me I lose and that is never enough, I am 5'3" and at one time I weight 67 pounds and that was after my stroke and TG that my T put me in hospital b/c I was almost dead I was about to have a massive heart attack, so no I cant do this anymore b/c there is no stopping once it gets out of control.
hugs to ya mary
Mary
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Fri, 06-17-2005 - 1:44pm
yea a lot of years have passed and I know that I was very very lucky the docs didnt give me much of a survival rate they said less then 50% chance I would make it. But when I get into my ED that doesnt matter to me, like I told Lori as long as I stay away from the store by myself I am fine it is just when I go by myself I run into problems.
Mary
Mary
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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2004
Sun, 06-19-2005 - 2:51am

Glad you are feeling better, and man your second post sounds even better than your first!

Keep it up ((((Mary)))) You are so strong. I know you can do it!

Love,
Amanda

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