,,,,hi
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,,,,hi
| Sat, 06-18-2005 - 5:59pm |
Hi thought I should tell you I am okay. Have a bad cut (probably could have used a couple of stitches) and it is infected but that is all. I did email my T that day but didn't tell her how bad I was doing, just asked about seeing her sometime. She wrote back and said whenever I need to talk I may make an appointment, so I guess I need to do that. I'm still not doing very well, still hurting myself and it sucks being here right now. Times like this I see how terrible it would be for me to leave my kids alone to deal with him. Still when it is bad and I am feeling like I am I can't help but to think about it anyway. So I guess I'll just keep SI'ing to keep myself 'happy' for now. Kind of afraid to see my T but I guess I need to.
Stupid Father's Day tomorrow,,,,have to be with him and can't even get in touch with my own father who I love but he is such a terrible drunk,,,,stupid Father's Day.
Stupid Father's Day tomorrow,,,,have to be with him and can't even get in touch with my own father who I love but he is such a terrible drunk,,,,stupid Father's Day.

I just needed to let you know I'm here and sending lots of cyber hugs.
Love,
Amanda
I am sorry to hear that the SI continues. I am also sorry that you haven't made an appt. with the *T.* I know that what is disturbing you cannot be fixed in a session, but @ least it could be addressed & other ways to cope could be found. You need some guidance now & by *real life* help. Of course we want you to come to the board & share your thoughts & feelings. I wish I could make that appt. for you & even drive you to it, but as we all know, that isn't possible. All of us would like to know that you are safe.
You are so right to think about your kids. If you cross the line & leave this world, they will be left to shoulder the burden of knowing mom died by suicide. It will be a lifetime of unhappiness for them. Try to focus on positive things about your life & how you matter to others. You do matter, Abby.
Father's Day brings back many unpleasant memories for alot of us. However, the past is past & we can't change it.
Gave my husband gifts I hoped he would like this morning but didn't even receive a thank you or any acknowledgement about them,,,,oh well *shrugs*
,,,,Abby