Unreasonable Demands - Poss Trig
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| Sun, 06-26-2005 - 3:06pm |
Death is looking better and better with each passing day.
I joined a gym since the last time I posted. It's helping a little bit by letting me escape from the house during the week (I'm not allowed to go on the weekend) and relieving some stress.... at least until I walk in the house door and immediately get screamed at. In the back of my mind though, I know the real reason I'm going. To turn my body into something halfway decent so a stranger won't look at me after I die and feel nothing but contempt for this fat disgusting thing.
I also tried my hand at building this week. I thought it might be nice to do agility training (just for entertainment, not competition) with the dogs. So I looked up plans and built a PVC pipe jump gate. It turned out really well and the dogs are taking to it nicely. The mother didn't even complain too much about it. So I stupidly started plans to build something else. She walked in while I was sketching a blueprint and started screaming about my bringing more "junk" into the house when I haven't hauled my "old junk" out yet.
She does this several times a week, minimum. But today, something just snapped. I grabbed a bunch of stuff (my stuff) from the computer room and filled an entire large trash bag with it. Of course, that's not good enough for her. When she saw me hauling it out, she screaming that I wasn't allowed to take garbage out. Even though she TOLD me to throw it away, I wasn't ALLOWED to take it out. Supposedly it's the wrong day. I was putting it in the trash can, not out to the curb. She knows the day doesn't matter for that. But it doesn't matter. If it wasn't the day, it would be the hour.... or the contents.... or SOMETHING! It's never good enough. She told me to put this big bag of garbage in my car until garbage day which isn't for a week.
I guess that's all I am. Garbage.

Just wanted to let you know that we care and you are welcome to vent here whenever you need to, okay?
You are NOT garbage! Having weight issues, myself, I can understand wanting to change your image. That is a
(((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))
You are not garbage!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It really irks me when people treat us like this!!
You do not deserve to be treated that way. You have to try to keep reminding yourself that what she says is not true.
Lots of hugs,
Amanda