Does anyone else do this ?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2004
Does anyone else do this ?
6
Sat, 07-02-2005 - 6:01pm
Had some bad days,,,but I think I made them bad. Does anyone suddenly just start lashing out at a 'safe' person? I mean saying 'dreadful' things and you can hear the words coming out of you and yet it is like it isn't even you saying them? Something tells me way back in my head to stop it but they just keep coming out like it isn't me saying them. I ruined some days because of me doing this,,,caused problems and upsets that were my fault. Yesterday it was my husband, he hadn't done anything, he was being nice but something clicked in my head and I went ballistic on him. He just sat there shaking his head slowly back and forth looking very confused and sad. I felt awful but couldn't stop until it just stopped itself. Why? I don't get why I do that sometimes.
Then I felt so so awful, hated myself so much for what I said I went inside and cut but even that didn't make the guilt dissipate. Saying sorry just doesn't work after I flip out like that. Don't say it is okay because it isn't. :(
Abby
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
Sat, 07-02-2005 - 10:17pm

No Abby it isn't "okay" that you lash out at people that do not deserve it...but you realize this and that is a positive step in the right direction! You mentioned you felt guilty afterwards. Sometimes, I think guilt can be a good thing because it lets us know when we have hurt another...which in turn gives us opportunity to try and make amends--even if it's a simple but sincere apology! I'm wondering two things.... One, did people ever treat YOU like that when you were little? Did you grow up thinking it was okay or normal to be verbally abusive or show your anger in that way? Secondly, if that isn't the case, can you identify anything that triggers these episodes? Have you shared this with your therapist? Maybe she could help you unravel it...


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Sun, 07-03-2005 - 4:17am

No, it isn't okay, Abby. It is very hard to hear these thing come so easily out of our mouths & know there's no way to take them back. Our inner anger & hurting powers these words.

 

 


 



iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2004
Sun, 07-03-2005 - 11:45am
Thank you Lori and Thank you Jan,,,,I understand 'some' of what you said,,,except I am now angry because it sounds like 'he' is such a great kind guy and that isn't how it is. He can be cruel and vicious and abusive so please don't make it sound like it is all my fault just because of the times when I get like that for no apparent reason and can't control myself,,,just please. Have to stop my head is a mess again,,, Sorry,,,Abby
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
Sun, 07-03-2005 - 2:03pm

Hey Abby,


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Sun, 07-03-2005 - 5:36pm

I have read your previous posts, Abby & I know that you live in a less than ideal situation. That is very sad to hear & it must be hard to deal with self esteem issues under these conditions.


I had a

 

 


 



Avatar for schitz
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2004
Sun, 07-03-2005 - 6:12pm

I have nothing to say (man I suck at this), but wanted to send some *hugs*

Amanda

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