Does anyone else do this ?
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Does anyone else do this ?
| Sat, 07-02-2005 - 6:01pm |
Had some bad days,,,but I think I made them bad. Does anyone suddenly just start lashing out at a 'safe' person? I mean saying 'dreadful' things and you can hear the words coming out of you and yet it is like it isn't even you saying them? Something tells me way back in my head to stop it but they just keep coming out like it isn't me saying them. I ruined some days because of me doing this,,,caused problems and upsets that were my fault. Yesterday it was my husband, he hadn't done anything, he was being nice but something clicked in my head and I went ballistic on him. He just sat there shaking his head slowly back and forth looking very confused and sad. I felt awful but couldn't stop until it just stopped itself. Why? I don't get why I do that sometimes.
Then I felt so so awful, hated myself so much for what I said I went inside and cut but even that didn't make the guilt dissipate. Saying sorry just doesn't work after I flip out like that. Don't say it is okay because it isn't. :(
Abby
Then I felt so so awful, hated myself so much for what I said I went inside and cut but even that didn't make the guilt dissipate. Saying sorry just doesn't work after I flip out like that. Don't say it is okay because it isn't. :(
Abby

No Abby it isn't "okay" that you lash out at people that do not deserve it...but you realize this and that is a positive step in the right direction! You mentioned you felt guilty afterwards. Sometimes, I think guilt can be a good thing because it lets us know when we have hurt another...which in turn gives us opportunity to try and make amends--even if it's a simple but sincere apology! I'm wondering two things.... One, did people ever treat YOU like that when you were little? Did you grow up thinking it was okay or normal to be verbally abusive or show your anger in that way? Secondly, if that isn't the case, can you identify anything that triggers these episodes? Have you shared this with your therapist? Maybe she could help you unravel it...
No, it isn't okay, Abby. It is very hard to hear these thing come so easily out of our mouths & know there's no way to take them back. Our inner anger & hurting powers these words.
Hey Abby,
I have read your previous posts, Abby & I know that you live in a less than ideal situation. That is very sad to hear & it must be hard to deal with self esteem issues under these conditions.
I had a
I have nothing to say (man I suck at this), but wanted to send some *hugs*
Amanda