Near the End

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-21-2005
Near the End
2
Sun, 07-10-2005 - 1:38pm
I had an ear infection after ear tube surgery 4-20-05. This went into chronic ear infection and the ear doctor who put them in wouldn't give me anything but ear drops. The infection worsened and went into the mastoid bones. This went on for 2 weeks and he said I would just have to hang in there it would get better. I then went to another doctor and they were the ones to diagnose it in the bones and said they would give me an antibiotic after taking a culture and call back with correct antibiotic. They didn't and it went on for another week. Then after calling emergency number they prescribed me Levaquin which give many people psychological symptoms. I then had a psychotic episonde and was taken to ER next day and ER doctor said it was Allegra-D I had been taking. I took 3 doses of this stuff at 500mg and was then admitted to hospital for 3 days to treat mastoiditis and was sent home on 750mg dose and have been out of my mind most of the time since. I've had surgery on one ear and mastoid and suppose to have the other side done soon and am taking daily IV treatments for infection that they never knew what it was. I can't think straight or see straight and have chronic insomnia that worsens every day. Had tried SEVERAL presciption sleep aids that make me feel worse and don't work and every natural one you've ever heard of. Can't even take a nap during the day. I asked doctors if they thought it was the medicine and they said it stops when you stop the medicine. I think they'll call everything a pyschological problem and write me off and I'm about as low as I can go and having thoughts of how I can't deal with anything else. I was a healthy firefighter before this and I think I'll never be able to do the job I love so much and will lose everything I own because my disability runs out soon and I continue to worsen. Even had a blood treatment to build my immune system that cost $4000. Have run out of options. If I tell any doctors about the anxiety and panic attacks I'll never be able to go back to my job. Can't think about working again the way my mind is working anyway.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
In reply to: fireman1000
Sun, 07-10-2005 - 6:06pm

Hi Fireman and welcome to our board! I think you'll find it a supportive place to come and "vent!"


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
In reply to: fireman1000
Sun, 07-10-2005 - 7:57pm

Hi & welcome to our board. You are not alone. Many folks are in your posistion after a severe medical seige such as you have experienced. Getting your life back in balance may take some work, but it will happen. There's hope & help for you out there.


Whenever there's problems with the inner ear or even the mastoid bone, your *inner* balance can be disturbed. That's different than the balance I spoke of above. Having suffered from anxiety/panic for 30 plus years, I know that when I am not feeling well, I can easily panic. It starts as anxiety but becomes increasingly worse. For instance, when I am coming down with a head cold I experience stuffiness & fullness in my head & ears. Sometimes even a headache. That's ok for ppl who aren't sensitive to it. But for me, the sensations set off terrible anxiety & the fears that I have a brain tumor or the beginning of a stroke. This is frightening. So, I can see how this happened to you. Anxiety/panic is a chemical imbalance but it has emotional components & triggers like your medical condition. For me, it was losing my safety years ago when I was sexually abused. It all comes down to trauma, stressors or life changing events.


There is long term disability available if you aren't able to work. There's a good board on iVillage you might get some help from. Here it is: http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-bhssdi


It's clear that you need some *real life* help. Treating anxiety/panic is most successful with meds & talk therapy combined. If you get the help you need, returning to your job is certainly a probability. Covering up your condition & not seeking treatment, IMHO, is NOT in your best interest. There are alternatives such as yoga, meditation, relaxation, hypnotherapy, accupuncture, etc. There are even some herbals that may help.


Coming to this board & putting *Near the End* in the subject line worries me. Have you thought of suicide as a way to cope? I am positive that the relief you desire will not be found by ending your life. Your family & friends will be left in alot of pain forever. If you have children they will live with the stigma of a parent that committed suicide. What you consider a permanent problem is really only temporary. Ending your life is the only thing permanent here. I care about you. It's a given that you are important as an individual, not to mention the great service to others in your job as a firefighter. Please seek help ASAP if the thoughts of harming yourself are present. Go to the nearest ER or call the suicide hotline @ the top of this page. You have lost your spirit somehow. Your life has purpose & meaning, but you can't see it. I have been there. You can recover. Please keep in contact with us. Good luck to you & God bless! (((hugs))) jan