He ruined my day

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2004
He ruined my day
6
Sat, 07-23-2005 - 7:14pm
Guess it is my turn to add my woes to this board. Just got back from working 9 hours. I am sick and I suffer with bad asthma so I am exhausted from today as it was so hard for me physically. Felt so good to get home, no one was here and it was nice. He came home about 2o minutes later. I can read his face like a novel and saw he was in a irritable mood. No hellos no how are yous even though he knows I am ill. Within 5 minutes he is yelling at me, yelling at me and swearing at me for things most people just wouldn't even see the reasoning behind doing so. Called me names he hasn't in awhile, and I hate to admit they hurt because he had been nicer the last couple of weeks. Guess this shows stupid stupid STUPID me that she let down some of her defenses and that is why it upset me. He kept it up over and over and over,,,wouldn't shut up and I had not seen him all day. All those feelings you think go away when things start to be 'okay',,,,well they come back 10-fold and I just wanted to blow his head off and then mine to make it all stop forever. How stupid, how naive, how everything bad I am to begin to believe it might not come back. After living with it for so many years how dense could I be ? Now my insides are churning, my eyes want to cry but I won't let them, and I just want to do something bad to myself. I haven't even seen my T in awhile, again feeling I could handle things,,,even though inside I know I'm not. Tomorrow we will both be home,,,imagine thinking that and being upset and scared about that. Oh so sorry this is too long,,,I'll shut up now,,,it is what I am told to do here anyway. Abby
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Sun, 07-24-2005 - 12:36am

You know you're welcome to vent here anytime, Abby. It's too bad that you're treated like this. However, we all have it within ourselves to set limits on what we allow others to say & do to us. Always feeling bad by verbal abuse is something we can change. You now recognize that not going to your *T* wasn't a good idea. That is very common. I have done it, too. We have a few good days, no disputes or unkind words with our SO, so we want to think that it's all in the past. Have you considered getting an appointment? If & when you do, try to work on the area of always being @ the end of your man's verbal abuse. You can learn to be strong. You can learn to assert yourself or set limits on what you'll allow.


It's very hard for us to read the unkind remarks you make about yourself. You are NOT stupid. You're just in a bad place right now. Thinking of doing something *bad* to yourself will not make things better. Please stay safe. Reconsider seeing your *T* & allow yourself some time away from this abuse when you're not feeling well. Keep in touch. We care about you & don't want you harmed in anyway. Good luck & GBU! (((hugs))) jan



 

 


 



iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2004
Sun, 07-24-2005 - 1:32pm
Thank you Jan for responding to me. You saying to me though that we have it within ourselves to set limits to allow what others say and do to us isn't always so. It depends on the person who is doing it to you. How can one not always feel bad by verbal abuse? I hear it so much, such cutting demeaning words said in front of my children. Things that make me feel I have as much purpose in this family as the hallway carpet,,,,wipe your feet on me and then walk away. His verbal abuse has been sprinkled with physical and it is like the verbal is worse to make up for holding back on hitting. How hard it is for me to leave this house and go and be the 'other person' I am in public. It is so physically draining. One of my children is picking up how he perceives me and has said things to me that have hurt far more than my husband's words. Only words from a little child,,,but it is like hearing their father's script coming from their sweet face and it plunges knives into my heart. I want to go away,,,,so badly I want to go away. Right now when no one is home,,,,pack my things,,,get into my car,,,drain the bank account and take off. Oh the idea of doing that is euphoric to me. Do you stay here and someday die or leave and try to find the reason that is suppose to be out there to keep you want to keep breathing? Again just more stupid idiotic thoughts racing through my stupid idiotic head,,,,but sometimes one needs to think about things like that to make it through another day. Abby
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
Mon, 07-25-2005 - 1:18pm

Hey Abby,


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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2004
Mon, 07-25-2005 - 3:31pm
Hello Lori,,,nice to have you back with us. Thank you for your thoughts. I'm still sick, I usually stay sick for awhile because of my asthma which of course makes me even more tired and listless. He knows how I am when I get sick, as it is always like this, sometimes it is very very bad, but he never cares even when I am struggling to breathe. I did make myself call my T today, have an appointment in two days which seems like such a long time right now. She could help me leave, she has already told me what she can do for me and my kids. Thing is,,,I am afraid. He has made me feel so dependent and useless I am terrified at the thought of being alone with two children. I also can't bear to take my kids from their home and neighbourhood,,,we live in such a nice one,,,oh what goes on behind closed doors even in the nice neighbourhoods. After him being nice to me and then this sudden change back well it has really sent me spiralling. I have other things that upset me, challenges throughout my day, other things with family, and knowing that my home isn't even a 'safe' place for me leaves me feeling like I have no where to turn. Because of some of my childhood one of my T's said now he understands why I tolerate living with what I do here,,,that was kind of hard to hear. Anyway trying to stay safe but not succeeding. I've lost weight and my bp is up again despite the new meds. I just feel like giving up,,,anything to make it leave me alone. I'm sorry,,,,Thank You,,,Abby
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Tue, 07-26-2005 - 10:03am
I know this is a difficult time for you, Abby. I cannot encourage you to leave your SO. You recognize the problem. Your *T* has identified the problem. From your posts, I can see it. Many times those in abusive relationships find themselves powerless to leave. Some how it seems better to stick with what you know, even if it's bad. Rather than, strike out on your own to a new place. Becoming independent is scary! But for your own safety & that of the children, there might not be an alternative. There are shelters out there that will take you in & help you get started. There's help for single moms to find jobs & provide child care while you work. This is no way to live & I think you know it. I know that you can lean on our board for support if you decide to make changes. That blood pressure would more than likely come down. You would add years to your life by the reduction
 

 


 



iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
Tue, 07-26-2005 - 10:51am

Hey there...


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