He ruined my day
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He ruined my day
| Sat, 07-23-2005 - 7:14pm |
Guess it is my turn to add my woes to this board. Just got back from working 9 hours. I am sick and I suffer with bad asthma so I am exhausted from today as it was so hard for me physically. Felt so good to get home, no one was here and it was nice. He came home about 2o minutes later. I can read his face like a novel and saw he was in a irritable mood. No hellos no how are yous even though he knows I am ill. Within 5 minutes he is yelling at me, yelling at me and swearing at me for things most people just wouldn't even see the reasoning behind doing so. Called me names he hasn't in awhile, and I hate to admit they hurt because he had been nicer the last couple of weeks. Guess this shows stupid stupid STUPID me that she let down some of her defenses and that is why it upset me. He kept it up over and over and over,,,wouldn't shut up and I had not seen him all day. All those feelings you think go away when things start to be 'okay',,,,well they come back 10-fold and I just wanted to blow his head off and then mine to make it all stop forever. How stupid, how naive, how everything bad I am to begin to believe it might not come back. After living with it for so many years how dense could I be ? Now my insides are churning, my eyes want to cry but I won't let them, and I just want to do something bad to myself. I haven't even seen my T in awhile, again feeling I could handle things,,,even though inside I know I'm not. Tomorrow we will both be home,,,imagine thinking that and being upset and scared about that. Oh so sorry this is too long,,,I'll shut up now,,,it is what I am told to do here anyway. Abby

You know you're welcome to vent here anytime, Abby. It's too bad that you're treated like this. However, we all have it within ourselves to set limits on what we allow others to say & do to us. Always feeling bad by verbal abuse is something we can change. You now recognize that not going to your *T* wasn't a good idea. That is very common. I have done it, too. We have a few good days, no disputes or unkind words with our SO, so we want to think that it's all in the past. Have you considered getting an appointment? If & when you do, try to work on the area of always being @ the end of your man's verbal abuse. You can learn to be strong. You can learn to assert yourself or set limits on what you'll allow.
It's very hard for us to read the unkind remarks you make about yourself. You are NOT stupid. You're just in a bad place right now. Thinking of doing something *bad* to yourself will not make things better. Please stay safe. Reconsider seeing your *T* & allow yourself some time away from this abuse when you're not feeling well. Keep in touch. We care about you & don't want you harmed in anyway. Good luck & GBU! (((hugs))) jan
Hey Abby,
Hey there...