have lost.. trigs
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| Tue, 07-26-2005 - 4:35pm |
I haev lost all entrest in talking to enyone or doing anything I liked to do I can see myself withdrwaing from everyone. I usually talk to my best friend well she calls but I dont really talk wat is the point ya know. I am a total screw up and a waste of everyones time and energy. I am pretty sure my parents wont even try to see my kids b/c they dont care about anyone but their grandson so I dont see them trying to see my kids if so oh well I wont be here so it wont matter to me. I have chosen a date, and there is nothing anyone can do I am fed up with fighting to live and fed up with the depression and with medicine and doctors and you name it I am fed up with life in general. I dont kow if this will be my last post so incase it is I want yall to know that even tho you have tried you cant help a screw up and wanted to say TY to all especially Lori, Lori you have said some things that have made me really think but you also know that I am way beyond help.
me

Hey Dear Mary,
I have been in your shoes, Mary. My family has not always been supportive. My mother simply refuses to believe I was sexually abused. Many times, I have had to tough it out all on my own. I was close to setting a date, but for some unknown reason decided that I would try again @ living. Living IS the painful part. Dying is easy.
I lived for my kids. My troubles aren't over. My oldest is mentally challenged & will always need care. My youngest has mental health issues & now has a heart condition. Things are really rough, but I hang in there, because I know it will get better. Life is like that. Good times & bad. I sometimes think that the bad times make us *real.* It makes us see our strengths in dealing with hard times. It makes us *feel* what life has to offer. There won't be anything *real* in dying. You won't *feel* anymore, Mary. You will just be gone & everyone else including your kids will be left to feel & see what real is.
Lori said it all. You seem to care for her & respect her. She obviously cares & respects you.
Jesus would have never jsut given up b/c he is almighty me on the other hand well in a eggshell I am worthless and useless the only good thing I have ever done was give birth to 4 children and I am going to screw them up, jsut like my mother did to me, my mother once told me that it was pointless for me to go to T b/c there is no hope for me and for the longest time I didnt belive her but I do now. Lori I am so tired of being in this state of mind that I have to end it there is no other way for me I know it is the easy way out and I am willing to deal with that. my children use to be the reason I hang on but not anymore I can see that i am doing more damage to them being alive then I would if I were dead. I am scared of dying but I know it is the best thing for all around me.
me
(((((((((((((Mary)))))))))))
Mary, you are definately not beyond hope and you do deserve to get all the help you need. You are a wonderful person who has touched my life and I could not bear to lose someone as special as you. Hang in there and keep safe. You are worth it (and then some).
Hugs,
Amanda