have lost.. trigs

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
have lost.. trigs
4
Tue, 07-26-2005 - 4:35pm

I haev lost all entrest in talking to enyone or doing anything I liked to do I can see myself withdrwaing from everyone. I usually talk to my best friend well she calls but I dont really talk wat is the point ya know. I am a total screw up and a waste of everyones time and energy. I am pretty sure my parents wont even try to see my kids b/c they dont care about anyone but their grandson so I dont see them trying to see my kids if so oh well I wont be here so it wont matter to me. I have chosen a date, and there is nothing anyone can do I am fed up with fighting to live and fed up with the depression and with medicine and doctors and you name it I am fed up with life in general. I dont kow if this will be my last post so incase it is I want yall to know that even tho you have tried you cant help a screw up and wanted to say TY to all especially Lori, Lori you have said some things that have made me really think but you also know that I am way beyond help.

me

Mary
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
Tue, 07-26-2005 - 7:41pm

Hey Dear Mary,


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Tue, 07-26-2005 - 8:47pm

I have been in your shoes, Mary. My family has not always been supportive. My mother simply refuses to believe I was sexually abused. Many times, I have had to tough it out all on my own. I was close to setting a date, but for some unknown reason decided that I would try again @ living. Living IS the painful part. Dying is easy.


I lived for my kids. My troubles aren't over. My oldest is mentally challenged & will always need care. My youngest has mental health issues & now has a heart condition. Things are really rough, but I hang in there, because I know it will get better. Life is like that. Good times & bad. I sometimes think that the bad times make us *real.* It makes us see our strengths in dealing with hard times. It makes us *feel* what life has to offer. There won't be anything *real* in dying. You won't *feel* anymore, Mary. You will just be gone & everyone else including your kids will be left to feel & see what real is.


Lori said it all. You seem to care for her & respect her. She obviously cares & respects you.

 

 


 



iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Wed, 07-27-2005 - 9:59am

Jesus would have never jsut given up b/c he is almighty me on the other hand well in a eggshell I am worthless and useless the only good thing I have ever done was give birth to 4 children and I am going to screw them up, jsut like my mother did to me, my mother once told me that it was pointless for me to go to T b/c there is no hope for me and for the longest time I didnt belive her but I do now. Lori I am so tired of being in this state of mind that I have to end it there is no other way for me I know it is the easy way out and I am willing to deal with that. my children use to be the reason I hang on but not anymore I can see that i am doing more damage to them being alive then I would if I were dead. I am scared of dying but I know it is the best thing for all around me.

me

Mary
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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2004
Wed, 07-27-2005 - 2:42pm

(((((((((((((Mary)))))))))))

Mary, you are definately not beyond hope and you do deserve to get all the help you need. You are a wonderful person who has touched my life and I could not bear to lose someone as special as you. Hang in there and keep safe. You are worth it (and then some).

Hugs,
Amanda

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