feeling the need to post here again... m
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| Thu, 07-28-2005 - 12:59am |
First off, thank you to those who responded to my post a couple of days ago. And, in answer to your question, Lori, my daughter has had 4 surgeries so far, actually. The first was her lip and nose repair done at age 3 months, the second was her palate at age 13 months, third, some major dental work at age 2, and fourth, a second palate repair just this past April, at 2.5. It's been difficult at times, but she is doing okay... however, her speech is a huge problem, articulation is horrible. So, we are looking at another surgery before the end of the year. (And... many more surgeries after that... it's an ongoing process for cleft lip/palate.)
The reason I'm posting right now... My husband had back surgery this morning, it was very stressful, but he made it through it fine. I was anxious, though, of course. The kids spent the night at my parents' house last night, and I was able to talk them into taking them again tonight, I felt that I needed some alone time... which I did... but now that I have it, I'm anxious... so anxious. I'm sad. I'm scared.
I had an appt with my therapist today, it was quite emotional. Most of my sessions have been that way for a while now, b/c the things I talk about are very emotional to me. My sister... my daughter... my relationship with DH and DS... PMDD...
I have felt so very inadequate as a Mother and Wife. I'm not doing a good job at all of being either. Ever since the birth of my daughter 3 years ago... I've been really messed up. My PPD was so severe. Very severe. There are still a couple of issues I deal with everyday that linger from the PPD. It breaks my heart. Now, with the PMDD to top it off... I'm just a horrible monster every month. Month after month...
I want to call the clinic right now... after hours... and talk to someone in psych. But I'm too scared. :( I need to do it, though, I'm just not feeling good right now, about myself, about my life. I want to play around with my meds again... just like I did on Saturday.
I should be enjoying this time, alone, without husband or children. This should be a good time for me. What the hell is wrong with me???
V


I am glad you felt comfortable returning to post, V. We want you to feel @ home on our board. The way I see it, you have had way too much stress in a very short period of time. That is contributing to many of your thoughts of worthlessness. Did you ever hear the expression, *you can't see the forest for the trees?* I think that's what's happening here. Your depression is so deep that it has altered your perception of things. You can't see what is REALLY happening.
You are a good mom. You do a fine job. What are the things you feel
Hi there,