So frustrated

Avatar for schitz
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2004
So frustrated
2
Sat, 08-06-2005 - 12:15am

I've been fighting the blahs for three days, hoping that it wasn't the depression returning. I've had a week and a half of stability. I didn't want to lose that. I knew it was too good to be true.


I was watching What Not to Wear. I love that show and wish that I would be nominated for it. I would love to meet Stacy and Clinton and get a whole new wardrobe especially now that I'm getting too fat for my clothes :(


I keep getting these waves of depression. I hope that's not it. I want to keep this stability. I guess I just get these feelings of emptiness. I may have things that I'm doing but I'm still feeling purposeless or maybe just that purpose is unreachable.


I feel like I need more structure in my tdoc appointments. I just saw her yesterday and I already feel I need to see her again. I don't thik we're getting anywhere as is. We haven't gone through the goals that I made since the day that I made them.


I'm sick of feeling this way. My anxiety is killing me. I really wish I could be working with her on that and the OCD. Because I don't know exactly what's going on with the Ottawa trip I am tempted to cancel. I'd much rather be going camping by myself. Then I wouldn't have to worry about where I'm staying and how I'm getting around. I wish that my friend was going with me.


Ugh I feel like I could cry right now for no reason. But I'm not actually tearing up like last time (in NY).


I can't even put into words how I feel exactly. Frustrated. Maybe even angry (but why?!). Sad. Wandering aimlessly. A loser. Unworthy.


Am I bored? Do I just need to do something? No, I feel like doing nothing. But yes I'm restless.


Restless, irritable and discontent.


Amanda

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
In reply to: schitz
Sat, 08-06-2005 - 9:56pm

I hear ya, Amanda. These blahs, slumps, downs, whatever you call them seem to nip @ our heels. It's very easy NOT to do anything. I have found that being proactive is the most helpful to me. I literally MAKE myself get up & do something. Consider this a nudge:) But, you don't sound as if you're in the mood to accept my advice. That's ok. You do need to find some balance. Someway to even your life out. Have you tried meditation? It gives me the peace & a *breather* I need, to face the high's & low's.


I hope you don't cancel out on your trip. It sounds like fun. Maybe you'll get caught up in the excitement & not look @ making arrangements as too much work. Let us know what you decide.


Many times therapy feels like a couple inches forward & then, oops! 3 feet back): But it's the vested interest you get in the long run. The *capital gains* down the road when you least expect it. We're here for you. Vent anytime. You know we care. Good luck & GBU! (((hugs))) jan



 

 


 



Avatar for schitz
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2004
In reply to: schitz
Sat, 08-06-2005 - 11:47pm

Thank you (((jan)))


Actually I am quite glad for your advice. I would be more upset if someone hadn't posted. I was feeling quite detatched and alone.


I went to AA tonight and that was good. I got to see someone I hadn't in a long time and that was good. We talked for a long time.


I'm glad I went. I was almost glued to the couch, but like you, forced myself up and out the door.


I know for sure that mom's bf expects that I'm going camping in Ottawa too, which is good in that I know what his expectations are now, but the question remains, will I get a campsite?


I have tried meditation, particularly guided visualization and mindfulness. I'm getting pretty good at mindfulness that I can even do it while walking. I haven't always good about doing it. It is one of my daily habits I'm working on.


I guess I better stick with that plan


Amanda

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