update

Avatar for schitz
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2004
update
2
Tue, 08-30-2005 - 2:31pm

I went to a Tori Amos concert in Toronto with my friend. The concert was goo. I was a nervous wreck though and so was my friend. Last time we went to Toronto I was a bit manic (actually we both were) and I had planned everything out to the minute so I looked like I knew exactly what was going on (inside I was a wreck). This time there wasn't as much planning I could do. There was too much uncertainty. Thank God we met up with someone from Toronto. That got us to the concert (although we still had to get to Toronto and get to the Eaton Centre on our own first). On the way back we were on our own and nearly got lost. Everything was different and I didn't know which way was up...map or not!


We only had 15 minutes from the time we got off the streetcar to the time we had to catch the GO bus back home and somehow miraculously made it! That put us back in hamilton in time to take the last city bus home. I didn't want to have to take a very expensive cab ride home. I live a long way from downtown.


I felt really bad that I was a nervous wreck and showed it. I wanted to keep it inside for the benefit of my friend, but she had to resassure ME half the time. (and vice versa).


I might be getting a tattoo. My friends are going Friday I think.


I am supposedly stable and that's great, but I am really struggling. I shouldn't be struggling this much if I'm stable. I know part of it has to do with the sexual assault from my trip. That has left me jumpy and anxious.


I find that I am overwhelmed right now. I have a lot to do but can't do anything. I sit here paralyzed. That seems to point to depression to me. That and I can't find the words to say to my friends who need me and I can't read or post on the board.


I just can't tell pdoc because I should be getting manic at the level of epival I'm at right now. I am sure that my pdoc will say I'm not BP because I'm not getting manic (although I did have a glimpse of it before). I remember that I've been both manic and depressed at this level of meds and could be cycling normally. The stability could have been a part of my normal cycle for all I know.


Well that's all for now. Sorry if I bored you.


Amanda

co-cl of the Get Organized board

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
In reply to: schitz
Tue, 08-30-2005 - 5:39pm

Hi Amanda,


Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket 
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
In reply to: schitz
Tue, 08-30-2005 - 11:47pm
That wasn't boring @ all, Amanda! It was exciting to read by someone who leads a *really* boring life:) ITA with, Lori. Keep open & honest with the pdoc. I have appeared totally fine to others when I was falling apart inside. We all have academy award winning