update...long
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| Fri, 09-09-2005 - 10:21am |
Thanks Keli and Donna,
Yes I'm having a rough time, and even more so BECAUSE I'm having a rough time. I just can't seem to wrap my head around supposedly being stable and struggling so much.
It seems that I'm cycling every day right now, or maybe I'm just in a mixed state. Either way, not good news.
The good news is I called disability and the lady finally called me back. We talked about finacial issues and I have an appointment on Oct 19. At that time we'll go through my financial records. Then I guess I'll get the forms for my doctor's.
My family doctor is backing me on my application for disability. He said he'll do all the paperwork, he just wants my pdoc to write him a note stating that I need to be on psychiatric medication and cannot work right now.
I also got some moles removed when I was at the doctors. He says they aren't cancerous, but I still worry. Maybe I really am a hypochondriac.
I forget what I was going to say.
I said to my friend (who is also bp so would get the joke), I would swear I was on topamax if I didn't know better. I'm getting dumb! I can't remember the word I'm looking for and and every word is a typo, or I just put the wrong word all together.
I've been having intrusive thoughts of both the weird and mundane variety. Things just pop into my head out of nowhere and then I'm stuck with them.
****trig****
The urge to cut has been great. I have been good though. I really really want to. I can see it in my head. Vividly. Maybe that would count as intrusive thoughts.
****end trig****
I've been having trouble sleeping. Waking up constantly and when I finally do reach a deep sleep I end up sleeping in.
I've been having psychotic symptoms. It's weird this time around because I have had EVERY variety of hallucination. Auditory, visual, tactile, olfactory.
I'm jumpy and easily startled. Constantly in a state of fear and panic. This sucks.
During my up times I'm not extremely up. Pdoc says the perphenazine should help with that. She also thinks it's helping my tics, supposed to help me sleep too. And it's mania of the irritable kind.
During my down times, I'm not extremely depressed, more apathetic than sad. I'm like eeyore. I move very slowly. It took me 30 minutes to walk the 10 minutes it should take me to get home.
You should read some of the things that I've been writing in my journal that show all this stuff!
Well I've gone on long enough.
Amanda
co-cl of the Get Organized board


Hey Amanda,
Thanks Lori,
That is so cool that Eeyoric is a word...haha. It is really silly though that they keep adding these words to the dictionary that aren't common usage.
I'm a little better this week. Still not great, but not cycling so much. Just kind of stable in a somewhat depressed kind of way.
At least I'm not extremely depressed right now. I'm afraid of the winter though.
Talk to you soon!
Amanda
co-cl of the Get Organized board