ARE YOU SUFFERING IN SILENCE? I was...

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2005
ARE YOU SUFFERING IN SILENCE? I was...
1
Sun, 09-11-2005 - 3:44am
This is a message for those of us who suffer in silence. (I know it's long but please read this!)
While I was experiencing suicidal thoughts, a women (another college student) next door in my apartment complex took her own life- I didn't even know her name! She was a beautiful young girl and my neighbor for 10 months. She suffered for a long time; and she was so alone, or was she? THIS HAPPENDS A LOT but nobody knows, and IT NEEDS TO STOP. I could have reached out to her and related, but I was too self absorbed in my own pain- thinking that I was alone. But I was wrong. Very wrong.
I am not a specialist or therapist- or anything of that sort, but I feel like I could help you, and other people like us, by sharing this. It is time for me to stop hiding my sadness and get help by helping. I hardly know anyone because I never have time aside from classes and working and studying to meet people or have friends. I feel I am being selfish by not having close friends, by thinking that nobody could understand what I've been through- how could they possibly know? The truth is that there is thousands of us- everywhere.
The point that I am trying to get at: Why do many of us experience the feeling of loneliness when we are all so close together? I have come to find (from my classes and study) the people who suffer in silence (feeling lonely) are the ones who need the most help. This is a difficult situation because stats. say that 72% of people who suffer in silence (excluding mentally challenged persons) are NOT "clinically evaluated" therefore it's not as easy to qualify for the help of an organization that provides to people who cannot afford therapy. This is a bad thing. Those of us who suffer in silence need just as much help and support, if not more, as someone who is extrovertly-depressive (people who are most likely to receive help). Something needs to be done about this (I am working at it- but I cannot do it by myself).
I don't know for sure, but I am guessing that there are a lot of women and men in this world who suffer for so long in their silence, that they eventually die alone. These people exist everywhere, in our cities, our same communities, our next-door neighbors, even roommates or family members. If you feel you are one of these people, BLESS YOUR TENDER HEART! I am sorry for what you had to go through. The years of holding back your tears and pretending that you are okay when your insides are a ripped to pieces. But please stop hiding-YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO BE SHAMED OF NO MATTER WHAT IT IS. My father sexually molested me and raped me ever since I was a little girl and I NEVER TOLD ANYBODY-EVER because I was so ashamed. I blamed myself for what he did to me. I was killing myself with this deep, dark secret. Eight years of abuse and rape from the person who was supposed to be protecting me- and I never told anyone, until now- silence for nineteen years! I really thought I was the only one; and now I have met groups and groups of woman who've experience incest. And we are helping each other heal the wounds hiding under our clothes.
There are so many women who are like you and share the same kind of pain, and desperately need help and support from someone who can really understand. HOW CAN WE SUFFER FROM LONELINESS WHEN WE ARE ALL SO CLOSE TOGETHER? I makes no sense to me. We have the choice to stop the cycle. We can stop the woman next door from taking her life by just reaching out to her- YOU CAN GET HELP BY HELPING SOMEONE ELSE (positively). Let her know that you care, that you relate, that you can feel her pain. (If you can feel your own pain, you can feel her, or his, pain too) Tell her that you want to help; or that you desperately need help too! Try not to be afraid of scaring people, because chances are that they experience that same exact thing. Try not to hold back and wait until "tomorrow" there may not be a "tomorrow", for you or for her. There really is nothing to loose compared to what you could loose- your life or someone else’s'. You could even just smile and make eye contact with the woman at the desk you walk by everyday to get to the office. Or just say, "excuse me" when you bump into someone, or clip their heal while standing in line for your morning coffee at Starbucks.
My message can only go so far, but you can help me. Pass it on to a friend, a family member or a stranger. If you feel you don't have enough strength to be vulnerable, turn to your "higher power" whether it is G-d, Buddha or the wind, and ask for help to become stronger and take charge of your silence. You can join a group (a reading group, a mother's group, AA or NA, a volunteer group, a movie group, a yoga group, religious groups) anywhere you can scope things out to see if you are in a "safe" environment to reveal yourself and ask for help (you can talk to me! I am among you). Please stop being silent- it is a self inflicted torcher. WE NEED YOUR HELP to end the suffering and to begin healing so we can all see how incredibly beautiful this world can be! BREAK THE SILENCE.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
Sun, 09-11-2005 - 2:39pm

Hi Taralynn and welcome to the board! I'm sorry for all the suffering you've experienced and I want to welcome you and thank you for your message of hope that you've shared. I also applaud you for finding the courage to reach out and ask for help! Please feel free to post again when/if you feel the need! Hugs, Lori

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