need input please.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
need input please.
4
Thu, 09-22-2005 - 1:10pm

well my dad is having real bad heart problems and I have been calling my mom everyday all except for this week and well I knew my dad had a appointment with the heart doc and they were going to do a angiogram well I tried to call my mom up last night to see how dad was and I couldnt get a hold of anyone so I call my aunt ( my moms sister) b/c she takes care of my neice and nephew while my mom and dad are gone well she started in on my about not taking my kids over to see my dad and I told her that I couldnt b/c of my nephew and she went off on me and I started to bawl and scream at her and she told me that my dad doesnt thik that I care about him which is not true at all if I didnt care I wouldnt be calling long distance every day to see how he is doing. I almost got real nasty with her about her son who took his own life, but TG I didnt. I feel like total crap b/c of how things have turned out but what am I to do I cant change everything
I am tired of being this bad person who doesnt allow my kids to see their own grandparents, but I will let them see my kids as long as my nephew isnt there and why cant they come here you know it is only a 20 min, my mom and dad have told everyone that I wont allow them to see my kids and I want my kids to have a safe and healthy realtionship with my parents.
I really need some input here, I feel horrible about myself and the depression has hit and as you all know it doesnt take long for me to crash at all, and I am almost there.

Mary

Mary
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
Thu, 09-22-2005 - 1:56pm

Hi Mary,


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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2003
Fri, 09-23-2005 - 10:26am
I'm sorry your aunt and parents don't understand. i don't know the details, but i'm presuming that your nephew is not a safe person around kids. You are doing the right thing. if you don't feel your kids are safe w/him around, don't do it. your relatives obviously don't understand that your first job as a parent is to protect your kids. if you have told them why the kids can't be around the nephew and offered to see your parents w/o nephew or on neutral ground, then you have done what you can. i don't know how much the rest of your family knows of the reason for not visiting w/the kids. i know the issue is about your parents seeing their grandkids, but can you go visit by yourself? are you able to go there and be around your nephew? perhaps showing that you can visit will help them to realize you do care, but that you are protecting those kids. i certainly understand and agree w/your decision.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Fri, 09-23-2005 - 11:51am

I want my kids to see my dad and we planned on doing it when DH gets his vacation that way my nephew is in school and my kids will be safe But now I dont know if I can even do that I couldnt even call my dad in the hospital and now that he is home I still cant call him, I do care but I am afraid of being yelled at and made to feel horrible. The good thing is that since I do home education we can go while my nephew is in school, but then have to deal with my mom telling me what toys my kids can play with and wat ones they cant, so I am not going to let them know when we are going to stop by b/c I am afraid that my paretns will keep my nephew out of school, I will call then an hour b4 we leave so they can pick up all the toys they dont want them to play with.

My family doesnt understand my reasoning for not allowing my nephew to be around my kids they think it is b/c I am jealous of him or that I am just making a big thing out of something small, my mom told a friend of mine that my nephew only gave my DD in her exact words " he only did a few little bad touches" which to me if it bothered my DD then it was like a huge thing to her and I will not allow that to happen again, so my mom and dad make me look like the horrible person, and saw that I am just making things up and that my nephew has had a horrible life and I dont make it any easier for him, well sorry he touched my DD in a way that no one should, and he is real lucky he is still alive you know.

I know I am doing right but it still hurts that no one but only a few people understand why I want to protect my kids.

I have an emergency appt with my T today so I dont crash like I have in the past.

Mary

Mary
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
Sat, 09-24-2005 - 2:07pm

Hi Mary,


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