First time here...

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2005
First time here...
3
Tue, 10-18-2005 - 10:06am

Hi,

I posted on the depression board but this seemed to be more of what I need.

In short, I am 40 y/o. I have been in therapy on & off for 20 years. I am on Wellbutrin. I still see a therapist & I discuss the plan with her. Everday I think about the plan which is taking a bunch of sleeping pills.. The only thing I am holding off on is that my Dad is still alive. I am finding I don't have a purpose here on the planet.

I recently was triggered by a visit to my sister's. I made an error in judgement when I was 20 to disengage from my family and just shut down. At her house she has photos of my mom's side of the family. I never got the opportunity to take some of these photos for my home. It makes me feel like 1) I shut myself out 2) I really don't know much about my family of origin 3) that she just took them w/o asking if I wanted some of the pictures.

For me, life is not getting better. I have reached out to friends only to find out they are too busy with their families. Sometimes people that you think are your friends aren't...they are just aquaintances. I don't feel like anyone needs me. I had a dog last year but had to put her down...old. I think about getting another dog but it would make me stay here longer.

Thanks for listening

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
In reply to: jstbu
Tue, 10-18-2005 - 5:07pm

Hi there and welcome to the board! I'm sorry you are struggling and feeling so unwanted and not needed in this life. I--and many others on this board have been there and it is obviously not a pleasant place to be!


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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2005
In reply to: jstbu
Tue, 10-18-2005 - 9:55pm

Thanks for your ideas. Actually I am an avid runner, lift weights & so yeah I have thought of all that.

I appreciate your input a lot. This morning I could not stop crying.

Most of my friends would probably know that I am not happy. I don't think they would miss me. They are too busy with their own lives.

I spoke to the therapist today. I guess I really bought into my whole family's idea of me (negative). She suggested that if I went against that...chose differently...I would be rejecting my family.

Something to chew on.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2005
In reply to: jstbu
Wed, 10-19-2005 - 9:40pm

Hi and welcomd. I'm not doing well today, so I have no wonderful words of wisdom, but wanted to say hi.


Amanda