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| Tue, 10-18-2005 - 10:06am |
Hi,
I posted on the depression board but this seemed to be more of what I need.
In short, I am 40 y/o. I have been in therapy on & off for 20 years. I am on Wellbutrin. I still see a therapist & I discuss the plan with her. Everday I think about the plan which is taking a bunch of sleeping pills.. The only thing I am holding off on is that my Dad is still alive. I am finding I don't have a purpose here on the planet.
I recently was triggered by a visit to my sister's. I made an error in judgement when I was 20 to disengage from my family and just shut down. At her house she has photos of my mom's side of the family. I never got the opportunity to take some of these photos for my home. It makes me feel like 1) I shut myself out 2) I really don't know much about my family of origin 3) that she just took them w/o asking if I wanted some of the pictures.
For me, life is not getting better. I have reached out to friends only to find out they are too busy with their families. Sometimes people that you think are your friends aren't...they are just aquaintances. I don't feel like anyone needs me. I had a dog last year but had to put her down...old. I think about getting another dog but it would make me stay here longer.
Thanks for listening

Hi there and welcome to the board! I'm sorry you are struggling and feeling so unwanted and not needed in this life. I--and many others on this board have been there and it is obviously not a pleasant place to be!
Thanks for your ideas. Actually I am an avid runner, lift weights & so yeah I have thought of all that.
I appreciate your input a lot. This morning I could not stop crying.
Most of my friends would probably know that I am not happy. I don't think they would miss me. They are too busy with their own lives.
I spoke to the therapist today. I guess I really bought into my whole family's idea of me (negative). She suggested that if I went against that...chose differently...I would be rejecting my family.
Something to chew on.
Hi and welcomd. I'm not doing well today, so I have no wonderful words of wisdom, but wanted to say hi.