Don't think I'm gonna be ok this time

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Don't think I'm gonna be ok this time
3
Sun, 10-23-2005 - 7:49pm
I'm an only child who has had a terrible upbringing. When I grew to be an adult, I tried to get away from my mother several times. When I moved to another city to go to college, she had the audacity to move less than one block from me. I have an only child, who she has tried to hurt both physically and mentally over these past few years. I have had to take restraining orders out on her, people have witnessed me telling her to get the *&%^ out of my life, etc:(:( She would let time pass, and then give a song and dance about how she missed her grandson (i.e, yes I did try to work with her over the years). I guess I tried to work with her b/c she is my mother, and I truly did not want to believe that there would be so hatred and mean spiritedness in her heart ... But there is. Last year I began telling them that I would move again to a new city right across the state line. The problems began again, but only much worse. Both begged me to let him finish out the school year there, and I did having no clue that she was giving him all types of freedom (i.e., he lost his virginity), and was allowed to stay on the phone till all godly times in the morning (he is only 14 years old). When I found out about it, I went to get him and he got very nasty. My mother was screaming that he didn't have to go anywhere, that he didn't have to do what I said, etc. It was awful. I have had severe problems with him all summer long and even though we've received help nothing seems to be working. To this day it has cost me in more ways than I could ever write here. I am so very tired of the whole thing now. I've suffered from depression most of my life, I came here to start a new life & to leave the past behind & they just will not let it happen. I'm so sick of having to call the police, going to talk to different therapists, all kinds of things & nothing is helping. I'm at a cross roads now where I believe I'm about to walk away from everything, give up, pack up & go out west somewhere. I know to do that I'll probably stay forever depressed b/c I wanted to at least finish raising my son until he was 18. But I can't fight against him, family, or anybody anymore. For my own self survival, I feel I have to let go. Please let me know what you think I should do. Thanks for listening. Tam
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2005
Sun, 10-23-2005 - 10:31pm

((((Tam))))


I am so sorry that you have such a situation with your mother and son. Unfortunately these are not easy things to work out. But you have to stay here and be safe for things to work out. It would be devestating for your son to lose you. But you need to do whatever you need to do to stay safe. If that means moving then you move. I hope you will come back and let us know how you are.


Amanda

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 10-24-2005 - 1:40am
Thank you cl-schitz. I feel that if I don't leave here, then I'm not gonna make it. I am just that tired. I would love for it to be with my son, but I don't think it's gonna happen (so much has happened, that I feel our relationship is most likely beyond repair). If I go without him, my life as I knew it would still be over (no joy, no laughter). So either way, it feels like a no win situation. I'm just trying to stay alive and really don't know what to do. Thank you for reminding me that to lose his mother would be devastating to him (it made me cry because I know it's the truth). His father is deceased, and with him being the only child, all he has is me. But I'm being worn down now, and I'm trying to let my own survival skills kick in. I don't know what I'm gonna, but I know I gotta do something before this thing finally does destroy me. I'm praying to God that it already hasn't. Thank you again for your kind words cl-schitz, and yes I will check back in to let you know how things are going. Thanks for listening, Tam
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
Mon, 10-24-2005 - 9:39pm

Hi Tam and welcome to the board! First, let me say I'm sorry I've not responded sooner--life has been kind of hectic on this end--lol! Secondly, I've not yet read the other responses to your post so forgive me if I'm repeating stuff. But here are my thoughts--for what they are worth.


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