Everyday I think about it

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2005
Everyday I think about it
5
Sun, 10-30-2005 - 12:38am

I hate the weekends. Last weekend I just drove around & around. When I stoppped. I just saw couples. I dread the weekends & evenings. I workout religiously.

I am just so sad. I really thought I'd be a lot further along in life. I think about my death everyday...I'm not ready to do it, but sometimes I just go "oh yeh, well you have no idea how sad I am". I have reached out. I'm on meds. I see a tharapist. I can count my blessings. I know I don't need a man to complete me. I know people would say "wow, I didn't realize she was so sad". Funny, they always say that after the fact ya know. I mean, people are just busy. They have their own crap. I just get tired of being hopeful, putting the smile on my face, pretending things will get better. The reality is that this is not just a bad mood for me.

I do everything I can. I just contacted a shelter to volunteer. I am trying but you know I just feel so alone.

Anyone relate? I don't mean to whine, whine, whine. This is real for me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
Sun, 10-30-2005 - 9:50am

Hi there,


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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2005
Mon, 10-31-2005 - 9:54am
I really appreciate your support.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2005
Mon, 10-31-2005 - 6:45pm

Welcome. I am so glad you are here. That is a big step.


I'm glad you are trying all kinds of things, like exercise and volunteering, but these things should put us in touch with our feelings and ourselves, not separate us further. We sometimes wear a mask that keeps even ourselves out of touch with our inner being.


I hope you will find what you need here.

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co-cl of the Self-Injury

Amanda

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2005
Tue, 11-01-2005 - 3:27pm
Just having both of you respond is a tremendous help.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2005
Wed, 11-02-2005 - 5:37pm
I'm glad to hear that. Post all you like.
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co-cl of the Self-Injury

Amanda