Bad experience at the grocery store

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2005
Bad experience at the grocery store
5
Fri, 11-11-2005 - 4:14pm

I also posted this at the etiquitte board, but I thougth I'd post it here too since you might understand my background more. I am so upset, I was shaking and crying. It may seem like a little incident, but I feel horrible.

I was just at the grocery store, and a stranger yelled at me in the parking lot because I didn't return my cart all the way.

Whenever I go to the grocery store, it seems like half the people just leave their cart wherever their car is. I usually return the cart, except this one time. I was on my way to return my cart when I realized I didn't lock my car door, so I compromised by bringing the car mostly to the return area, then I turned to go back to my car.

That's when a huge man yelled at me from ten feet away, in a really loud voice so everyone could here, saying that I was lazy and rude to just leave the cart there in a handicapped parking space. (There were a lot of handicapped parking spaces, and none of them were full, so I really didn't think it was a problem).

I was shocked, but I returned the cart anyway, and then I felt like I had to say something so I said, "You didn't have to be so rude to me. You could have asked nicely, and I would have done it." He says, "Excuse me? Blah blah blah (more shouting, from ten feet away again), then said "Forget it!" and turned his back and walked into the store.

I called the store to find out if he was an employee, but she really didn't know since he didn't tell me his name or anything. I'm so upset, I was crying, becuase he totally humilitated me in public. And the worst part is since he ran away like a coward, I don't even have a way to respond or do anything about it.

It may have been wrong to leave the cart in the parking lot, but I'm not even sure about that since everyone does it. But he had no right to humilate me and shout at me in front of everyone. Do you think people listening thought I was lazy and rude for leaving the cart there?

What should I have done or said? I'm proud of myself for trying to stand up for myself, but it didn't work. I felt kind of intimidated too since he's a huge, tall, loud man and I'm a petite, 5'2" woman. He had a really loud voice too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
Fri, 11-11-2005 - 4:37pm

Hi Blue,


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2005
Fri, 11-11-2005 - 5:49pm
I know that guy was a jacka** and I should forget it, but I'm still so upset. I keep wondering what I should have said or done. I keep wondering why none of the observers stepped in to defend me. Why aren't there any gentleman or knights in shining armor left in the world? And if there are, why weren't any of them in the grocery store parking lot? A kind or supportive word from someone would have made all the difference. As it was, I felt totally alone.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2005
Fri, 11-11-2005 - 10:39pm

I'm feeling really bad. This incident triggered off an avalanche of anxiety and bad feelings. I don't know what to do to feel better. I don't feel safe. I was minding my own business, not expecting anything bad to happen, and all of a sudden some lunatic verbally asualts me. You might think that I'm exaggerating but if you were there, you'd understand how aggressive, loud, angry, and intimidating he was. And I did not deserve that.

Help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2004
Fri, 11-11-2005 - 11:53pm
I have been in similar situations. Right after I got married, my husband's ex starting yelling at me after passing me on the sidewalk. I completely FROZE. I just blanked out. I guess it was my mind's or body's way of protecting me. Yes, people were staring. But REMEMBER it is not the job of strangers to protect us. You seemed upset that no one jumped in-I HAVE jumped in before when I was manic and saw people being attacked. It DOES NOT lead to good things. We are grown up now. The person who verbally attacked you was not well. It is not NORMAL to do what he did. We should ignore people like that. Get away as soon as possible. If the situation would have escalated it could have been very unsafe because that person had very inappropriate boundaries.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
Sat, 11-12-2005 - 11:54pm

Hi Paulsgirl and welcome to the board! It is both brave and kind of you to jump in as a "newbie" and offer your thoughts/support to another--thank you!!


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