My husband wants to hurt himself

Avatar for amy2778
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2003
My husband wants to hurt himself
4
Sun, 11-13-2005 - 10:05pm
My husband is in the military and currently deployed. He called from the hospital today saying he had been admitted, because he wanted to kill himself. He's had a hard time lately with his job, but I had no idea it was this bad. I guess he had a sort of nervous breakdown yesterday. He had been having these nightmares, but he said yesterday he had them during the day. He sounds like a different person. We have a 1 year old daughter. He has so much to live for I just don't know how to tell him that. What do I say to help him? It seemed everything I said was the wrong thing today. I can't be with him even if I wanted to and it's eating me up. I promised I wouldn't tell anyone so I have no one to talk to about it. Anyone know how to help him? He's getting care from dr.s but how can I help him?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
Mon, 11-14-2005 - 2:56pm

Hi Amy and welcome to the board--though I wish you and others didn't have need for it!


It sounds like your husband is suffering from severe depression--perhaps with psychotic features (having auditory or visual hallucinations). We aren't here to diagnose and so I can't say for sure but IF this is the

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Avatar for amy2778
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2003
Mon, 11-14-2005 - 3:29pm
I have found a therapist and have an appt. Wed. That way I have someone to talk to, I also talked to one of my friends from church. My family is closer to him than his own family. His family is very screwed up. He would be very upset if I told them. I know he's safe, because he has someone sitting in the room with him 24 hours a day making sure he won't hurt himself. I asked my husband to have his dr. call me after they spoke today and I hope he will. I feel like I have no idea what's going on. My husband doesn't even know what medicines they're giving him. I appreciate the information about depression, I know it's not about me, but it's hard to not take the things he says personally. Even if we could be with him he said he didn't want to see us, and he doesn't want any pictures of us that he has in his house down there. It's like he's pushing us away.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2005
Mon, 11-14-2005 - 5:02pm

Amy,

I'm sorry. Try not to be hurt by what your husband says now becuase he is in a very disturbed frame of mind. Right now, there is not much you can do except assure him that you love him no matter what. And ask him what he needs from you. Reassure him that you're there "for better or worse", and you'll be by his side no matter what.

I do think you need to talk to someone. If you know someone who is discreet, and can keep this confidential, and talk to them. If my friends told me something like this, I would never tell anyone else.

Talk to someone becuase if you're a mess, and he's a mess, then it's not going to be pretty. You need someone to lean on, while he leans on you. Even though he's pushing you away right now, he's not in his right mind, so it doesn't mean he doesn't love you or need you. Perhaps he's doing it to be noble and spare you pain. Or perhaps he's too confused to think clearly. Be patient, and let the doctors take care of him for now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2005
Fri, 11-18-2005 - 11:45pm

I know it felt like you said everything wrong, but that is not you, that is his perception at the moment. Unfortunately sometimes nothing can bring a person up. Just be there for him. Listen and be there. Just remind him of how much you love him.


Hugs,


Amanda