updates... some trigs... overwhelmed...
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| Fri, 12-02-2005 - 12:12am |
The IOP (intensive outpatient program for women) ... wow... intensive is right. Overwhelming, to say the least. I felt comfortable with the group, there were only 5 women who showed up, 2 of us were new, and the clinician with whom I met yesterday. One of the women I knew from my recent hospital stay... she was a sweetie, we got along great. So, it's nice to actually know someone there.
I can't even explain yet what will be going on. I have some stuff to read, I have "homework" to do. I actually have to buy myself a binder... which makes me giggle, b/c I used to love those "trapper keepers" when I went to school, and now I get to buy another one after all these years!
Anyway... it's going to be a long hard program... but I've stepped up to the plate... and am ready to get going. Today I spent a lot of time reading through some of the material, taking notes, and doing my "homework". I even had to call my program clinician b/c of a moment of desperation, and she was really proud of me for calling.
TOMORROW is V's post-op appt with Dr. C. Holy cow, it's been a LONG AND TORTUROUS two weeks. Can I just say that I DREADED EVERY MINUTE OF IT?
I made a cake for Dr. C and staff today, it looks yummy... and really cute. I made my famous mocha banana buttercream frosting and used that and whipped topping with some powdered sugar mixed into it to thicken it a bit to ice the cake. On the top layer is the mocha banana stuff, and on top of that is some whipped cream, in which Vilija made her handprint, and I outlined it with yellow writing icing. I wrote Thank You Dr. C. on it.
We'll be taking Vilija out for dinner tomorrow!
Alan just doesn't "get it" when it comes to V's recovery period these past two weeks. Imagine yourself as a three year old and you are denied food for two weeks. How would YOU feel? Now, I admit, I did get in a few tiffy moments with V's whining, but I was around it all the time, constantly, pretty much. Alan wasn't exposed to it as much. He lost patience quicker than I, and he got annoyed faster. Poor Vilija asked for a Creme Saver drink and he got one out, but then she didn't want it, cried... and I totally understood her, she was just really irritable and cranky... who wouldn't be after two freaking weeks of no food?
Not only that, but Alan really never asked me about the IOP. He knew that I was going, I told him about my intake with the leader of the group the day before (it was a two hour meeting... very excruciating and emotional)... and he made no comments. I asked him to please wish me luck the night before and he said absolutely nothing. NADA. I was aching. On the way to the IOP I used my nail clippers on my wrist and was in tears. I did go back, during the break, and showed my clinician leader what I did, and she was glad that I showed her. They want total honesty in this program. Like I said, I had to call her today about an incident which led me to taking an extra 40mg of Prozac (I know, BAD) on top of the prescribed 100mg I'm to take. Andrius, my son, got me really upset this morning before school and really hurt me.
Anyway... I got into it with Alan, I said that he has shown NO COMPASSION whatsoever towards Vilija ... and ME, for that matter. I told him that I will deny HIM food for two freaking weeks and make him DRINK ONLY LIQUIDS and we'll see how HE acts.
The strain on our marriage is so great. :(
Vida


Hi Vida,