Hi all...major trigs poss
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| Wed, 01-18-2006 - 12:16pm |
I'm back..after quite some time away...
Plain and simply put, I wake up every day and want to die. I have to fight for the strenth to live every day. Not only do I have severe Bipolar...I now have physical illnesses, Fibromyalgia and Rheumatoid Arthritis so bad I can barely take the pain...and to top that all off, the specialist I saw last week, after 3 months of physical pain all over my body, told me that because I was BP, there wasn't anything he could (read WOULD) do for me. Basically, its all in my head. I left there in tears.
Soooo, I just called my GP's office and am at least getting some Darvocet for pain, and an anti-inflammatory for my joints that get so swollen I can barely move.
I am stuck in this darkness...this scary place that I've been many times before, and I don't know how to find my way out this time. I'm really broke, am in constant physical and emotional and mental pain...the depression side of the BP is SO bad now...I just stopped all anti depressants because they only exacerbate my BP. I get way manic and agitated and its just a big mess. So, I'm crashing again...and again...and again...and because of the nature of MY bipolar, I can't take meds to help with that.
Anyway, guess I just wanted to reach out to others who know what I'm talking about. I'm having a real struggle getting the will to NOT take those pills...to NOT keep writing notes on how it would be better NOT to live anymore...I would never do that to my family, but it NEVER stops the wanting...can anyone relate?
Hugs to all,
Keli

Oh Keli,
I feel for you. Like you, I have a lot of chronic physical health problems and since there's no obvious diagnosis, everyone seems to think it's "all in my head". I'm allergic to many things including metal, and I have chronic eye pain becuase my eyes are very allergic to almost anything, and also dry.
In addition I have chronic jaw pain from clenching my jaw when I'm upset...which is something I do unconciously, and can't stop. So I'm in physical pain a lot, which makes getting through the day so hard. I'm also chronically physcially exhausted, no matter how much rest I get- even though I do my best to stay healhty. I eat a healthy balanced diet, only weight 95 lbs, and don't smoke or drink alcohol, so it's not something I'm doing to myself.
I advice you to try alternative rememdies. Such as, hypnosis, naturopathic doctors, etc. There is help but you have to look in the right places. If the doctor doesn't believe you in the first place, he will never help you.
I can SO relate...I spent a long time dealing with pain from fibromyalgia and the added emotional pain of being told it was all psychological. I was extremely fortunate in being able to take the antidepressants that did end up helping in my case...I don't know what I would have done otherwise, to be honest, after spending so many days in such pain.
It's heart-wrenching to hear what you're going through...I so wish I had an answer or something more useful to say. But I'm not in the greatest place right now...but I couldn't leave your post unanswered. I want you to know I care and I wish I could take away your pain...and that you have an important place here on this earth, OK...and there has to be a doctor somewhere, I hope, who can help relieve your pain and keep you here.
My thoughts will be with you,
Rose
Hi Keli,
Keli hun you just have to keep going to doctors until you find one that will help you that is what I had to do about my depression and my thyroid condition. I had to go to many doctors and a lot of them said that I just wanted to get medicine bc of my eating disorder I was about to give up but decided that I would try another doc and he was the one who took me serious and gave me a new medicine and it has helped me, so wat I am saying is dont give up, you are worth fighting for so you have to fight dont give up just bc one doctor wont help you there are many more out there.
Keli you can email me or you can IM me also if you want.
my email addy is mary_berry70@yahoo.com
Mary
((((((keli))))))
It's so good to see you. I've missed you alot. I wish it wasn't under these circumstances. You have made it through so many other bad times and you will again. I know it is hard when it feels like nothing is working. How it feels to not be listened to and told it's in your head. You know you won't find that here. Keep looking for someone who will believe you and