DH said I have a self defeating attitude
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| Tue, 02-21-2006 - 3:39pm |
(I also posted this on the Job hunting board. May be Triggers, here.)
I was so depressed this weekend, and I started telling DH all my sadness, frustration, and fears. Mostly about job searching and being unemployed. I don't talk about this to him much, but I felt so bad and needed to.
He listened for about five minutes and then said, "You have a self defeating attitude. Being sad and angry and talking about this so much isn't helping at all." He was so cold! We got into a fight and then I lost my balance and fell because I was so upset, and I hit the light switch and a screw that was in the wall. Now I have a big gash on my back, and I'm mad at my husband and don't want to talk to him.
I told him, "If you know so much about job searching why don't you help me find a job where you work? Or anywhere, don't you know anyone who would hire me?" Of course he couldn't. It's easy to talk when you don't have to back it up with any actions. He thinks he knows so much about job searching but when I ask him to prove it by helping me, he can't do a thing. But he can point out that I'm doing everything wrong, of course.
He also said, "I can't fix your problems." Yeah Einstein, but you can listen! I never asked him to fix my problems! He listens for ten minutes then he's heard enough! He's so unsupportive and selfish! I told him he needs to get lessons on how to be nurturing but of course he won't- he thinks he's perfect and god's gift to the world.

Hi Blue,
Hi Lori,
He apologized to me but he said he "doesn't know what he did wrong." The scary thing is, he wants to go back to college to be a therapist. When I asked him why he wants to be a therapist when he hates listening to my problems, he said, "A therapist's job is not to help people feel better, and my job is not to make you feel better. It's to help you learn and grow." He has no idea what suffering people need to hear.
It scares me that he's going to spend thousands of dollars on this degree but what will happen when he talks to his first client? The average person in therapy isn't ready to "learn and grow" until they vent and talk about the pain for at least a few months.
He is always like this because his parents never show emotions and as a child he got spanked if he was angry, or lost control of his emotions in any way. I feel sorry for him but he's very hard to live with because he turned out just like them.
Hi Blue,
Thanks, Lori.
I feel like I can't talk to anyone about my real feelings except for this board. My friends and family don't understand. They usually make me feel worse instead of better.
I feel like an alien sometimes because no one understand me. I understand other people very well, even when they're very differnt from me, but I can't find anyone who can relate to and empathize with me.
Edited 2/23/2006 3:26 pm ET by bluerains