suicide..why....
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suicide..why....
| Sat, 02-25-2006 - 12:35am |
Will it's been a year this march 20th..Sum dayz I,m glad i'm here..Then I start thinking about..What brought me to that point.There are so many thing that happened last year.Why did I let my life push me that far? Why did I stay with my X after the first hit..first broke anything? All these ? go though my head..But rite now this time this day this hour I'm Glad I'm here..becuase my KIDS are with me tonite<: But when they go to there dads Why do the tears cum why do I think why should I be here? It wud be so ez to take the PILLZ! why did they save me why did they cut into my arm when my vains were gone? I was soooo tierd of life.. why can't I stop crying? why do I go into my sad place still? If anyone can tell me why I can not rember last year..why should I go on..

Hi Pattymedear and welcome to the board. I'm glad you found us and shared a bit of your story with us. I hope you will feel welcome here and, if you wish, share more about yourself and get to know us as well!
First may I say that it takes a lot of courage to reach out as you did and post here and I commend you for that! Sometimes, ironically we feel safer among strangers to reveal our dark thoughts. And sometimes that opening up might even give us the impetus to get into therapy. I hope that is the case for you--IF you aren't already in therapy. I and others here have found it very helpful in our healing journeys.
Patty,
Life is really confusing and hard to figure out, that's true. I ask why a lot about my own life too. I think it shows that you're smart that you think about things a lot and try to understand it. Sometimes it's impossibe to understand and analyse everything that happened in the past, and you can only accept it and try to learn from it as much as possible. Life is a learning process and the lessons hurt, but as long as you're alive and trying you're doing the best you can.
You've been through a lot of hard things, an abusive man and probably a lot of other stuff that happened before you met him. But one reason to go on is that is in the past, and if you have survived that much you can do more with your life and perhaps one day, be happy. Just putting one step in front of the other, one day and one minute at a time.
Patty,
I posted recently b/c I was feeling a lot of similar feelings. I'm still feeling that way and thought that by reading others' posts and offering support to them it might make me feel better.
Life is so rough and I'm tired of hearing how it's not fair. I've decided to hang in there and just dig as deep as I can. Most of the time it seems to be just a matter of waiting things out. You won't always feel this way, you won't always have good days and you'll feel badly again. Not terribly encouraging, I know. But you have to trust that things WILL get better.
I think you are brave for posting and reaching out. Any opening up that you do is good and it's the only way to receive support. What have you done to get support? Do you have friends to reach out to? Have you been to your doctor to discuss your feelings? If you can't do it for yourself, do it for your children. They need you in their lives. If that keeps you going, then good. But one day you WON'T need your kids to keep you going, you'll do it because YOU want to. Sometimes we have to do things for others b/c we can't do them for ourselves. Please keep me informed about how you're doing. I'm happy to offer support and hopefully we can help each other.
-tmr
Welcome and big hugs.
If nothing else, hold on to the fact that your kids need you.
Then when you are in a bit of a better place, or now if you can manage to think of anything. Think of other meaningful things that you do or could do. For example, I play guitar at church, will be counselling at church, running a mental health awareness group, literacy tutoring and right now knitting and crocheting up a storm making hats and scarves that I will either give away as gifts or maybe (hopefully) sell.
Hang in there and keep fighting.
co-cl of the Self-Injury